


Sanders Sides Truth or Dare!

by gayboopnoodle (orphan_account)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, I Ship It, I broke it, M/M, Other, This is Bad, Truth or Dare, depression amirite, help me, its my fault, oh and my sides are here too somehow, the fourth wall is shattered beyond repair
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:07:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23512855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/gayboopnoodle
Summary: Just me forcing my favorite characters to play this game.... REEEEEE-
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Author & Everyone, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. Intro

Hello to all of you fantastic amazing wonderful people out there! This book is basically what the title says: you comment truths or dares for the Sanders Sides to do, and I will make the sides do it! 

Roman: What? Why?

Me: cuz it’s fun! In case you couldn’t tell, there is no fourth wall here. We’re all just gonna have a good time making these, right guys?

Roman: No. 

Logan: that is a falsehood. Why do I have to do this?

Virgil: I’m too emotionally unstable for this madness. May I be excused?

Patton: Well, I think it’s a great idea kiddo! 

Remus: I will enjoy watching you four do the dares. *snickers*.

Me: Actually, you will also be forced to do dares. All of the sides will. Also their will be swearing(mostly censored) ahead, so fair warning

Remus: oh...

Deceit: I totally agree with this. *sulks*

Me: Oh! And I almost forgot! *waves hand and Remy and Emile appear.* You two are here too!

Remy: YAAS B*TCHES! I brought starbies!

Emile: Some people don’t consider me a side...

Me: welp they don’t have to read this book then! You are literally my therapist 

Emile: 👍

Me: ... how did you _say_ a thumbs up emoji? 

Emile: 🤷

Me: **wHaT iS hApPeNiNg?!!**

Remus: *demonic scream*

Everyone else: *stares at him

Me: ... _chill_

Logan: Yes. Please take a figurative ‘chill pill’, Remus. 

Remus: *fist bumps Deceit*

Deceit: *fist bumps back*


	2. Chapter 2

Suggestions from [The Shipper Probably Took Over](https://www.quotev.com/ThatOneShipperOfFandoms) on Quotev

***smirks* You shouldnt have done this...  
For Lo: Only speak in slang for 2 weeks, WITHOUT crofters as well. Your reward is all the crofters you want after.  
  
For Patt, Virgil, Picani, And Dee: Can we have your crushes?!  
  
For REEEEE-mus: 10 weeks without deodorant. YOU GET THE CRUMBS EVERYWHERE MAN-  
  
For Remy: You thought I was gonna say no starbucks? Wrong. Choose one side to date for a month.**

Me: I think ima make the dares last max a week but thanks so much!

Me: *summons Logan* Logan you have been dared to do something!

Logan: *sighs* Ok. What do I have to do?

Me: You gotta speak in slang for a week and you cannot eat Crofter’s for a week. 

Logan: NOOOOOOOO

Me: A dare is a dare...

Logan: I will figuratively but probably also literally DIE if I do not have Crofter’s for a week!

Me: But the reward is that after you get all of the Crofter’s you want from the store, on me. *hands him credit card* *thinks: I’m gonna regret this*

Logan: sTiLL mA cRoFtErS 

Me: You have to. I’m forcing you. And remember: only slang. 

Logan: *sighs* no u

Me: There you go! Not super hard!

Logan: *glares at me* 

Me: *ignores him* Patton! Virgil! Picani! Deceit! 

Patton: Yea kiddo?

Picani: do you how do?

Virgil: *sighs* whaddoyouwant

Deceit: bye. 

Me: You all have to do a truth! 

Deceit: hi. *starts to sink down* 

Remus: *appears and grabs his arm, pulling him back up.* Oooooh this is gonna be fun! 

Logan: I hate to agree with you, but... *flips through vocab cards* samesies.

Virgil: Ugh. Let’s just get this over with. What’s the question?

Me: You all have to tell us your crushes!

Virgil: *starts to sink down* bye

Roman: *appears and stops Virgil from leaving* Actually, Emo Nightmare, its a truth so you _have_ to do it!

Virgil: Why wasn’t he included in this? What was his truth or dare?

Me: actually he didn’t get one. 

Virgil: wut

Me: I don’t know. But you all have to tell us your crushes NOW! 

Remus: *summons bucket of popcorn* exciting!

Remy: *sips Starbucks* YES B*TCHES LETS GET THIS PARTY GOIN

Emile: ...Well I guess I’ll go first. It’s.... actually you, Remy.

Remy: *drops Starbucks* oh. Well. Um. 

Emile: I know you don’t return my feelings.... I’m sorry I made this so awkward but I can’t actually make sense of my own feelings right now which I know is pretty dumb since I’m literally a therapist and I-

Remy: *grabs Emile’s necktie and pulls him in for a kiss*

Emile: *kisses back, surprised* *pulls remy into a hug*

Me: Awww, Remile! you two are so fricking CUTE! Patton you next!

Patton: ummmmmm.... ok kiddo. My crush definitely doesn’t like me back though, so this will just make it more awkward than it already is. 

Me: well it’s worth a try. 

Patton: *takes a deep breath* My crush is... you, Logan. 

Logan: *blank stare*

Also Logan: *summons UNO reverse card and holds it up* 

Virgil: hey wasn’t that an incorrect quote that you turned into a Prinxiety one shot-

Me: VIRGIL SHUSH THIS IS SO FRICKING ADORABLE

Patton: *squeals and hugs Logan* I love you!

Logan: *smiles and hugs back* I think I love you even more than Crofter’s. 

Me: logicality EEEeeEEeeEEEeEeEeEeEeEe

Virgil: aww that’s cute

Remus: eh, not my kind of ship. My ship of choice is the one that Elsa’s parents died in!

Me: Remus shut up these two are too innocent for this world. But unfortunately we have to move on. Virgil! Spill. 

Virgil: no

Me: yes

Virgil: nu 

Me: yes

Virgil: nU

me: Virgil it’s a dare you have to do it. 

Virgil: ughhhhhh

Me: SPILL

Virgil: my brain says yes but my anxiety says no

Me: sorry all I heard was yes TELL US!

Virgil: [insert author’s name] MY ANXIETY SAYS NO

me: S P I L L

Virgil: NU

Me: Virgil I am the author here therefore I am making you do it. S P I L L N O W

virgil: ughhhhhh fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Remus: *eats popcorn*

Virgil: *turns to Roman* um......

Roman: yes?

Virgil: you may or may not be my crush of several years PLEASE DON’T HATE ME

Roman: *gasps*

Virgil: *starts to sink down, blushing hard*

Roman: *grabs Virgil’s arm.* Oh my. Gosh peck. YES. 

Virgil: *blushes* uh what

Roman: *pulls Virgil into a kiss*

Virgil: *immediately kisses back, putting a hand on Roman’s cheek. Roman wraps an arm around him and pulls him closer.*

Me: OMG YES EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE it’s Prinxiety my OTP!

Virgil: *breaks away and stares at me* you _ship_ us?

Me: uh duh. Look in my one shot book and you’ll see that literally half of them are Prinxiety. 

Roman: I don’t mind. *pulls Virgil in again*

Me: honestly we all saw that coming. 

*Everyone except Virgil nods*

Remus: Oooh look who’s turn it is!

Me: oh right! Deceit you have to tell us your crush now. 

Deceit: definitely yes

Me: you hafta

Deceit: I won’t pass

Me: please there are literally only two people in this room that are single. 

Deceit: *sighs*

Me: I will make you do it I own this book. 

Deceit: 

me: DECEIT. NOW. 

Deceit: 

Me: DON’T MAKE ME

Deceit: FINE. MY CRUSH ISN’T REMUS!

Me: 

Me: that was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. 

everyone: *stares at Remus*

Remus: 

Remus: *squeals and hugs Deceit, wrapping his legs around him* 

Deceit: *blushes* 

Me: oh look there’s Dukeceit. Right on schedule. 

Remus: It’s also called Demus. Or Trashnoodle. Or-

Me: yes Remus I know- wait, how do you know?

Remus: *winks at me

Me: well now I’m thoroughly uncomfortable. But Remus, I also have a dare for you. 

Remus: wut

Me: no deodorant for a week. As [The Shipper Probably Took Over](https://www.quotev.com/ThatOneShipperOfFandoms) says, the crumbs get EVERYWHERE.

Remus: oof

Me: 

Remus: I guess I’ll have to take a bite out of Deceit instead. 

Everyone: ...

Me: OH MY GOD REMUS WILL YOU AT LEAST TRY TO KEEP THIS PG

Remus: ... this was never gonna be PG. 

Virgil: it’s at _least_ PG-13. 

Me: oof well we have one more dare. Remy, you have to date another side for a week. 

Remy, fully making out with Emile: We’re already dating. 

Me: welp ok then TAKE IT EASY GUYS GALS AND NON BINARY PALS! Peace out!   
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜


	3. Chapter 3

Suggestions from [Bella](https://www.quotev.com/BellaC12345)( Dare- all the sides play the pocky game!) [Happy Sunshine](https://www.quotev.com/Some1No1/published)(Truth: Deceit, does the power of truth or dare force you to tell the truth? Note: By saying no, you will create a paradox. Dare: I DEMAND A COMPLIMENT FROM LOGAN TO PATTON), and [Im scared](https://www.quotev.com/Shaddowthewolf1)(Remy, i dare you to steal one of ALL the sides items (virgils hoodie/headphones, romans disney movies, logans dictionary, etc)). Love u all!   
  


Me: Hey guys guess what!

Virgil(sitting on Roman’s lap): Urgh. Is it another one of those truth or dare things?

Me: you know it! *finger guns* 

Logan: this is not Gucci by me. *holds up vocabulary cards*. It’s only been like two hours since the last time you did one of these, and I’m already banned from Crofter’s for a week, and I have to communicate with slang, which is sort of lit but not really.

Me: yes but last time had some benefits as well. *looks pointedly at Logan’s hand intertwined with Patton’s* 

Logan: *blushes and pulls Patton closer.*

Remus: Hello fellow atrocities of the human race! 

Roman: *mumbles into Virgils chest* shut up Remus. 

Remy: *sips seasonal pumpkin spice depression* Why’d you have to interrupt me and Emile’s cartoon binge-watching session?

Emile: *hugging Remy* We were almost halfway through book one of Avater: The Last Airbender! 

Me: I haven’t watched it yet so shh! Anyway, [Bella](https://www.quotev.com/BellaC12345) dared you to play the Pocky game. 

Patton: DID YOU SAY POCKY? *holds up like ten boxes of pocky sticks*

Roman: I don’t think they mean that kind of Pocky, Patton. 

Me: actually that’s exactly what I mean. *pulls up YouTube video* 

Roman: Ooh, this looks like my kind of game!

_**If you don’t know the Pocky game, look it up!** _

Deceit: Oh, this doesn’t look fun at _all_. *snorts* 

Virgil: Do I have to? 

Me: you get to pick who you play it with. 

Logan: looks Gucci. 

Patton: POCKY

*Virgil and Roman were up first. Roman took his end of a pocky stick and held it in his teeth. Virgil gripped the other end in his mouth.*

Me: The first to let go loses. Plus you both have to be eating the pocky stick

*Roman and Virgil start. They are both trying to win. The stick gets smaller and smaller, and their faces get closer and closer together. There faces are maybe inches away from each other. The Pocky stick gets smaller still and then suddenly their lips are pressed against each other in a kiss.*

Me: Ah well we all saw that coming. Neither of you were going to give up. You are both still in. 

*patton and Logan we’re taking their turn. They get into formation. Patton basically eats the whole thing, while Logan strategically nibbles little bits off at a time. needless to say, they end up kissing as well. Logan’s face turned beet red and Patton smiled, pressing himself up against Logan in a hug and wrapping his arms under and around Logan’s.* 

Me: awww. You two are so cute. But next is Deceit and Remus!

*they take a turn. Halfway through Remus gets bored and reaches up, taking the Pocky stick away. He throws it to the ground and instead slams his lips against Deceit’s, stroking his cheek.*

Me: welp you’re both out. 

Remus: eh. I didn’t really want to play this bullsh*t anyway. 

me: LANGUAGE

Remus: *smirks* English. 

Me: *facepalms* you sound like Logan. 

Logan: Falsehood. 

Deceit: *morphs into Logan* Falsehood. 

Me: DECEIT STOP YOU WILL MAKE PATTON CRY

Roman: IF YOU MAKE PATTON CRY I WILL MURDER YOU IN MULTIPLE WAYS, STARTING WITH STABBING YOUR SPLEEN. 

Virgil: NOBODY MESSES WITH MY DAD

Deceit: *grumbles and turns back into himself* not fine. 

Me: welp Emile and Remy it’s you’re turn. 

Remy: yas b*tches!

Me: I would say language but there’s no point. 

Remy: *finger guns* u got that right b*tch. 

*Remy and Emile start. Long story short, Remy almost ends up winning but Emile held on to the last second, and they also end up kissing. Emile presses himself into Remy’s chest and kisses him deeply. After a half minute, they pull away. 

Emile: Wow. Your coffee tastes really good. 

Remy: Pumpkin spice seasonal depression, babes! 

Me: welp no one won but I think we all saw that coming. And yes I may make this a one shot idk. Um next dare!

Virgil: there’s more?

Me: yep! Deceit, [Happy Sunshine](https://www.quotev.com/Some1No1/published) wants to know if you are forced to tell the truth. And they told me that if you don’t it will create a paradox. 

Deceit: Unfortunately I am being forced to not tell the truth but in an elaborate way. *continues making out with Remus*

Me: cool. Oh, and [Happy Sunshine](https://www.quotev.com/Some1No1/published) also wanted you to compliment Patton, Logan. 

Logan:*to patton* you are the best thing that’s happened to me since Crofter’s. * kisses him*

Me: ....wow he must really love you. Well that’s it for today! See you later, guys gals and non binary pals! PEACE OUT!

*all of the sides leave, but before remy can I stop him*  
  


Me: Remy, [Im scared](https://www.quotev.com/Shaddowthewolf1) has a special dare for you. 

Remy: what is it

Me: you have to steal an item from all of the other sides and bring it here

Remy: *smirks* ooh yes b*tches I can do that. 

Me: ok GO!

*REMY’S POV*

Remy snuck into the hallway of the mind palace with all of the rooms. First he tiptoed quietly into Roman’s room, and seeing his sword, grabbed it by the hilt and quickly sent it back to Echostormi. From Virgil’s room Remy took a Tim Burton poster, and from Logan he took his unicorn onesie. From Patton he took his cat onesie, from Deceit he took the hat, and from Remus he took his mace. And quickly he went into Picani’s office and took a figurine.


	4. Chapter 4

Suggestion from KC 

Me: Hi everybody! 

Virgil: ...

Picani: 👋 

me: ...I’m not even gonna ask anymore

Remy: Hiiii babes

Roman: SOMEONE TOOK MY SWORD! 

Deceit: I know where my hat is who didn’t take it?

Me: oh yeah someone dared Remy to steal one of each of your items

Virgil: So THAT’S where my Tim Burton posters went. 

Logan: now that I think about it, I did notice that I couldn’t find my unicorn onesie yesterday. 

Patton: and my cat onesie was missing too!

Remus: alright WHO TOOK MY MACE I WILL MURDER YOU WITH YOUR OWN BARE HANDS

Me:

Me: you meant to say, ”I will murder you with my own hands”

Remus: no I will rip off your arms, beat you with them, then gouge out your throat with your own fingernails. 

Me:

Me: c h i l l

Me: your stuff is all on that table. *points to table with missing stuff on it*

Roman: *runs over to table and kisses sword* My beautifully manicured sword!

Virgil: *looks down as he grabs his posters*

Roman: jealous, emo nightmare? *sheathes sword and grabs Virgil by the hoodie, pulling him in for a slow passionate kiss* 

me: Because everything needs a little extra rainbow

Remus: eh. Could be gayer. 

Me: 

Me: you’re literally making out with Deceit right now. 

Remus: *shrugs*

Me: anyway we have some suggestions from KC! The first one is making Virgil wear a cat costume. 

Virgil:

Virgil: please no this hoodie is a part of me-

Me: *points at him*

Virgil: *is now wearing a cat hoodie and headband*

Roman:

Roman: If possible you became even cuter. 

Virgil: *blushes*

Patton: *squeals* VIRGIL WE MATCH! *wearing his cat onesie*

Virgil: *smiles*

Me: Roman you have to wear all black and do your makeup like Virgil’s. 

Roman:

Me: don’t worry you’ll still look good. 

Roman: I know. I look good in everything. A prince has got to slay. *snaps fingers and is instantly wearing what looks like Virgil’s old hoodie and some black eyeshadow.*

Roman: *smells hoodie* still smells like you Virge. 

Virgil: *blushes* 

Me: PRINXIETY!

Everyone: WE KNOW

Me: anyway Logan you have to wear Patton’s cat onesie and drink a cup of Remy’s coffee. 

Remy: YES BABES PUMPKIN SPICE SEASONAL DEPRESSION

Logan: * blushes and takes Patton’s cat onesie and puts it on himself with a snap of his fingers. Remy hand him a cup of coffee*

Logan: *takes a sip* hmm. That is actually satisfactory, Remy, although I wish it had less sugar. 

Remy: YOU KNOW IT B*TCH

Me: aww you look so cute in the onesie! 

Logan: thank you. 

Patton: *hugs him*

Me: Patton, you have to eat a whole box of cookies and... *winces* hang out with either Deceit or Remus for a day. 

Patton: ...oh. 

Me: ima modify the dare so that you and Logan can both suffer. 

Logan: Thank you. *cuddles Patton closer to his chest* 

Me: Remus, you have to act like Patton and be PG for a day. 

Remus: that’s impossible for me to do. Sorry. 

Me: if you won’t do it then I won’t make Deceit do his dare, which I think you will like. 

Remus:

Remus: what is it? 

Me: he has to say something nice to Patton and let you stroke his scales. 

Remus: Deal. 

Deceit: Not fine. Ok here doesn’t go... *sighs* Patton you are not the most innocent character here. 

Patton: Er... thanks I guess?

Deceit: *thumbs up* 

Remus: *out of nowhere kisses Deceit, raising a hand to pet the scales on his cheek. Deceit smiles and pulls him closer. 

Me: somehow Trashnoodle is kinda cute. But anyway Remy, you have to sleep for a full ten hours and binge-watch cartoons with Emile. And Emile has to wear your jacket and drink your coffee. 

Remy: I don’t think it’s physically possible for me to sleep ten hours. 

Me: Work on it. I’ll get back to you. *disappears*

Remy’s and Emile’s dares

*Remy sighs as he walks to his room. Emile followed him.*

Emile: Hey. Give me your jacket. It’s my dare.

Remy: Right. *he lets Emile unzip his jacket and put it on himself. Emile smiles*

Emile: ima help you sleep. 

Remy: what? 

Emile: I’m gonna help you sleep. It’ll be faster. 

Remy: *blushes and gets under covers* 

Emile: *gets into bed with him and wraps his arms around him*

Remy: *cuddles into Picani’s chset* this actually helps a lot... thanks. 

Picani: *smiles and kisses Remy’s head*

•ten hours later•

Me: *walks into Remys room to see them cuddled on the couch. Emile is sipping Remy’s coffee and wearing his sweatshirt as they watch Steven Universe*

Me: *smiles*

Deceit, Patton and Logan’s dares

Patton: so I have to hang out with you for a day. 

Remus: yep

Patton:

Deceit:

Remus: 

Logan:

Remus: well we’ll be on the couch. 

Patton: cool

Patton and Logan: *sit behind couch* 

Me: *comes in a few hours later to see Deceit and Remus still making out. Remus seemed to like the feel of Deceit’s scales. Behind the couch Patton and Logan are curled up in a blanket, asleep.* 

BONUS!

Thomas: *walks in* Hey is something wrong? I haven’t really been feeling any of your presences and-

Me: shhhhh...

Thomas: what?

Me: *points to sleeping Roman and Virgil. Virgil is sitting in Roman’s lap and has wrapped his legs around him. Roman’s head rests on Virgil’s shoulder.*

Thomas: Ohhhhh. Prinxiety? Is that why I feel so weird?

Me: also Logicality, Demus, and Remile. *shows him various cute pictures*

Thomas: *blinks* well I have a headache now. Ima go to sleep. 

Me: that should be easy. Emile actually got Remy to fall asleep. 

Thknas: *thumbs up* cool.


	5. Chapter 5

[AnnaEmoTrash Sanders Sides Fangirl](https://www.quotev.com/SlytherinHadesGirl) asked

Roman, go a week with out disney anything.  
Virgil, Your the best so no suffering.   
Logan, No reading for a week.  
Patton, You're the dad so, nothing bad for you.  
Remus&Deceit Camp out in the light side area for a week

[Roman Sanders](https://www.quotev.com/CinnaminBun)aka Roman, asked

Hehehe...  
Virgil, you must watch whatever cartoon Emilie wants you to.  
Patton, insult me.  
Remus, leave.me alone for 48 hours.  
Remy, drink only straight black coffee for 5 days.  
Logan, hug everyone.  
GOOD LUCK! Princey OUT!

[Im scared](https://www.quotev.com/Shaddowthewolf1)

Hey virgil, remy, do you two listen to set it off? If so, what is your favorite somg by them

Me: Roman!

Roman: what

Me: You have a Quotev account?

Roman: ... Yep! And I did the dares

Me: welp you’re following me so I’m actually gonna do your suggestions. Also some of [AnnaEmoTrash Sanders Sides Fangirl](https://www.quotev.com/SlytherinHadesGirl) ‘s and [Im scared](https://www.quotev.com/Shaddowthewolf1) ‘s . 

Virgil: Wait Princey has a Quotev account?

Roman: Yup!

Virgil: *goes on Quotev* ... and you made fan fictions about us?

Roman: I’ve been waiting for Prinxiety to happen for a very long time. *hugs Virgil*

Virgil: *blushes*

Me: *takes picture*

Virgil: ...what was that for? You see us like this all the time. 

Me: Ima trace over it and make fanart. 

Virgil: 👌

Me:

Me: picani taught you how to do emojis?

Virgil:👍

Roman: wait...

Roman: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Me:

Me: yes Roman we all know you’re gay

Virgil: you’re literally my boyfriend 

Me: anyway Virgil, Roman dared you to watch whatever cartoon Picani wants you to. 

Picani: *appears* YES STEVEN UNIVERSE

Me: Emile are you _still_ wearing Remy’s sweatshirt from the last time we did one of these?

Remy: *pops up out of nowhere* DID SOMEONE SAY STARBUCKS

Emile: *blushes* hey Remy Roman dared Virgil to watch cartoons with us. 

Remy: *brofists Emile*

Emile: *Brofists back*

Virgil: ok but I’m making you watch with us Roman

Roman: sure

Remus: oooh sounds interesting!

Roman: NO YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH US!

Me: also Roman, [AnnaEmoTrash Sanders Sides Fangirl](https://www.quotev.com/SlytherinHadesGirl) dared you to go without Disney anything for a week. 

Roman: 

Roman: uuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOPE

Me: it’s a dare so you hafta

Roman: no

Me: you sound like Virgil in chapter 1

me: and that was when you got together

me: also no Disney doesn’t mean no broadway

Roman: well Hamilton is my only source of comfort now

me: ...EXCEPT for Hamilton that’s licensed by Disney 

Roman: 

Roman: I’m gonna die

Remus: *holds his mace above his head menacingly* YES YOU ARE

Virgil: REMUS IF YOU MURDER MY BOYFRIEND I WILL MURDER DECEIT BRUTALLY BEFORE COMMITTING SUICIDE

Patton: i WiLl PhYsIcAlLy FiGhT yOu

Me: no ma smol anxious bean! *turns to remus* no killing allowed. 

Roman: *hugs Virgil and kisses him* don’t worry, mi amore, I would kill him first

Deceit: DoN’t YoU dArE

Me: anyway Logan, you can’t read for a week

Logan:

Logan: no Crofter’s AND no reading?!

Logan: this is a nightmare

Patton:

Logan: *hugs Patton* except for you my little Crofter’s cinnamon roll

Me: awww

Logan: I’m stuck with watching documentaries I guess

Me: I betcha someone’s gonna dare you to not watch documentaries for a week

Logan: Damn it

Me: oh and deceit and Remus have to camp out in the light side area for a week

Everyone except Remus: NUUU

Remus: *fist bumps deceit* YES

Deceit(who lied when saying NU btw): *fist bumps back*

Virgil: I USED TO SLEEP IN THE SAME AREA OF THE MIND AS THEM AND REMUS FRICKING SNORES AND IT SOUNDS LIKE HES FRICKING SCREAMING

Deceit: I don’t know

Virgil: and deceit you fricking HISS in your sleep. Like a FRICKING SNAKE

Remus: *snorts* I know. We’re TOTALLY sleeping outside your room, Roman

Roman: urghhhhhh

Me: actually you can’t do that! You have been dared to leave Roman alone for 48 hours. 

Remus: DAMMIT

Roman: HA!

Me: also Logan you have to hug everyone

Logan: *already hugging Patton* ugh. Even Remus? 

Remus: Even me b*tch.

Logan: let it be known that I do not agree with this! *awkwardly hugs Roman, then Virgil, then Emile and Remy at the same time.*

Deceit: *still embracing Remus as Logan awkwardly wraps his arms around both of them*

Logan: *wipes hands on shirt* ew. 

Me: ok. Patton, you have to insult Roman

Patton:

Patton: *starts crying*

Logan: *hugs him* I can do it for you. 

Roman: it can be constructive criticism. 

Patton: *still crying* 

Patton: I WILL NOT INSULT ANY OF MY SONS

Roman: constructive criticism helps me patton 

Patton: nU

Me: I’m so sorry but you hafta. 

Logan: He will figuratively and literally die if he insults someone. 

Me: I’M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME PATTON I LOVE YOU

Patton: *sniffles* I love you all so much I will NEVER INSULT ANYONE

logan: I have an idea

Logan: *takes out phone and types something*

Logan: *hands phone to patton*

Logan: press that button

Patton: *hesitantly presses button*

Google translate voice: el príncipe es estúpido **(the prince is stupid)**

Roman: *snorts*

Patton: what did it say?

Logan: only me and Roman understand Spanish. So you don’t know how you insulted him. 

Patton: *sniffles* did I do the dare?

Me: ima say you did because you’re a precious cinnamon roll

Patton: Yay!

Me: also Remy you can only drink straight(gay) black coffee for a week. 

Remy: nU MA PUMPKIN SPICE SEASONAL DEPRESSION 

Me: you can still drink coffee. 

Logan: I _only_ drink black coffee. 

Remy: ...can it have double caffeine?

Me: sure why not?

Remy:

Remy: I’m still mad.

Emile: *cuddles closer to him* It’s ok love

Remy: *blushes*

Me: one last thing. [Im scared](https://www.quotev.com/Shaddowthewolf1) wanted to know whether Remy and Virgil listen to set it off and if they do, what their favorite song is. 

Remy: I LOVE set it off. My favorite song by them is I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead from their album Cinematics

Me: suits you

Remy: I know. 

Virgil: I have not ever listened to set it off but it looks like something I’d like. 

Me: cool. And I totally didn’t have to look them up. That’s all for today! See you later, guys gals and non binary pals! PEACE OUT!

BONUS

  
Thomas: *goes into mindscape* OK EVERYONE WHY DO I HAVE A MIGRAINE 

Remus: Well you see, we have been dared to camp out in the light side portion of your head for a week

Thomas:

Thomas: is that why I hear beetlejuice blasting in my head for no reason(if anybody gets this reference you are pure gold)?

Roman: DID SOMEONE MENTION BROADWAY

Thomas: Roman! Why can’t I have Hamilton stuck in my head instead of _that_? *points to Remus screaming “Creepy old guy” at the top of his lungs*

Roman: I’m banned from Disney anything for a week and Hamilton is licensed by Disney. 

Thomas:

Thomas: I’m gonna die

Remus: SOUNDS FUN! Ooooh how about we listen to HEATHERS!

Me: nope not child friendly at all. 

Remus: 

Remus: *screams Dead Girl Walking*


	6. Chapter 6

*this is a short chapter so yeet* 

Me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Roman: *sitting on Virgil’s lap* what?

Me: HAMILTON IS BECOMING A MOVIE

Roman: WHAT

Roman: OMG OMG OMG EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Me: IKR

Virgil: Wait WHAT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Logan: this is exciting news. 

Me: wait Logan you like Hamilton?

Logan: it is an accurate representation of the history of America and it’s a musical. Honestly how could I _not_ like it?

Me: makes sense

Remus: I like King George! *starts to sing* I will kill your friends and family to remind you of my love. Da Da-“

Me: yes Remus we’ve already established that you want to kill people. Let’s move on!

Deceit: I like how Hamilton didn’t cheat on his wife at all. Ever. He totally didn’t almost do it twice. And then lies about it. What I don’t like is how he didn’t spill it to everyone.

Me: 

Me: anyway

Me: THE MOVIE HAS THE ORIGINAL CAST EEEE

Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Me: *nearly faints from excitement* 

Roman: LIN MINUEL MIRANDAAAAAA

Virgil: DAVEED DIGGS AAAAAAAA

Logan: Leslie Odom Junior. Ah.

Remus: JONATHAN GROFF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Me: one more thing. Logan, [PastelCookieSkies](https://www.quotev.com/PastelCookieSkies) says no documentaries. 

Logan: ugh. 

Logan: oh well. 

Logan: *hugs Patton*

IS ANYONE ELSE A HAMILTON FAN AAHHHHH IM SO HAPPY


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N another short chapter sorry! 😐**

Me: **AHHHHHHHHH**

Virgil: WHERE’S THE FIRE I’M SCARED

Roman: *hugs Virgil and cuddles his close to his chest.* 

Logan: There’s a fire? 

Me: no it’s an expression but guess what

Patton: what kiddo?

Me: IT’S SLIMY BOI’S BIRTHDAY AHHHHHH

Remus: wait WHAT? 

Virgil: *facepalms* why do you care about this again?

Me: cause Deceit’s cool! 

Deceit: Oof why do we have to not celebrate this again? 

Remus: *picks him up bridal style* DEE IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY AHHH

Deceit: *sighs* I don’t know. 

Virgil: could we just do the dares and get them over with?

Me: there weren’t any dares I just wanted to celebrate your birthday Deceit!

Virgil:

Virgil: Ya I’m gone

Roman: Me too. 

Logan: Really? That’s all this was for? *sinks down*

Patton: Happy birthday kiddo!*follows Logan*

Me: welp happy birthday Deceit!

Deceit: no thanks, I guess... *resumes kissing Remus*

Me: take it easy guys gals and non binary pals! PEACE OUT!


	8. Chapter 8

**[Logicality's Kid](https://www.quotev.com/LokiHugsYou99960) Asked:   
I have dares for everyone. And I mean EVERYONE  
Logan: Say something completely illogical and nonsensical to Patton  
Patton: Go a whole day without saying a pun or telling a dad joke (I know, I'm sorry)  
Virgil: Please wear a dress, for amusement purposes... Sorry for future discomfort  
Roman: You have to wear a tee shirt and jeans for a week  
Emile: Steal at least one of Remy's Starbucks cups and use it for calming tea  
Remy: Wear Roman's clothes for a week**

Me: HEY PEOPLE WE HAVE DARES!

Roman: *groans* oh no. I’m still banned from Disney from the last time you did this! 

Virgil: *hugs Roman* You can still do Broadway

Me: before I begin it’s DEE’S BIRTHDAY EEEE(as of posting this it’s been like four days lol)

Everyone: WE KNOW

Me: anyway Patton you have to go a whole day without making a pun or a dad joke!

Patton: awww

Logan: *hugs him* it’s alright love. Tomorrow you can make all the witty puns you want.

Patton: *nods and cuddles into his chest*

Me: you are so fricking cute ahhhh ❤️ Anyway Logan you have to say something completely illogical and nonsensical to Patton. 

Logan: that’s literally impossible for me to do. I’m the embodiment of logic. 

Me: You have to. 

Logan:

Logan: FINE. 

Logan: *starts quoting random Vines* It’S tHe MoSt BeAuTiFuL tHiNg I’vE eVeR sEeN! It’S a BaNaNaNa NeXt To A bAnAnAnA! 

Me: perfect. One more?

Logan: *sighs* I AM THE SAND GUARDIAN, GUARDIAN OF THE SAND. 

Virgil: PoSiDeN qUiVeRs BeFoRe HiM!

Me: Don’t finish that one it has a swea-

Remus and Deceit: *scream simultaneously* F*CK OFF!

Patton: 

Patton: LANGUAGE 

Logan: NO SWEARING IN FRONT OF MY BOYFRIEND HE IS INNOCENT BEAN

Me: 

Me: let’s move on. Roman you have to wear a t shirt and jeans for a week.

Roman: But I _like_ my outfit!

Me: Too bad. *snaps fingers* 

Roman: *is wearing a t shirt with his logo on it and some jeans* 

Virgil: Waow

Me: *only one who understands the reference* AGAIN with the vines?

Patton: can I make a dad joke if it’s a vine?

Me: 

Me: Don’t-

Roman: RoAd WoRk AhEaD?

Everyone: YEAH, I SURE HOPE IT DOES!

Me: oh my GOSH

Patton: *smiles*

me: lets get back on track. Virgil you have to wear a dress.

Virgil:

Virgil: W H A T

Virgil: N U

Virgil: I R E F U S E 

Me: *snaps fingers*

Virgil: *is wearing a plain black dress.*

Virgil: I hate everything about this. 

Roman: *faints* 

Virgil: *catches him* Princey are you gud 

Patton: I think you somehow made him even gayer. 

Roman: you are ADORABLE

Virgil: *blushes* 

Me: *takes picture* ok Remy you have to wear Roman’s clothes. 

Remy: *shrugs and snaps his fingers.* I’m still gonna wear my sunglasses though. 

Me: ok cool. Emile you have to take one of Remy’s coffee mugs and use it for tea. 

Emile: ok. Weird but ok. 

Remy: Just keep the mug. I refuse to have any liquid but coffee and water in my mugs.


	9. Chapter 9

**[Da one and da only](https://www.quotev.com/Little80929/published) says  **

** DARS FOR ALL PEEPS!   
Logan has to write in a different language   
Patton has to hug everyone  
Virgil and Roman have to swap clothes   
Emilie has to put tea instead of coffee in one of remys mugs and give it to remy  
Remy has to drink the tea **

**[Marcellus the softie](https://www.quotev.com/Softboi300) Asks: **

** Deceit insult each side,INCLUDING YOURSELF **

**[Alpha of the Moon](https://www.quotev.com/Delphi61160) Asks: **

** I dare all of the past dares to be removed. I also dare all the ships to make out.  **   
  


Me: GUESS WHO’S GOT MORE DAREEEEEEEEEEES 

Virgil: *still wearing his dress* nU

Roman: *hugging Virgil and pulling him close* nU

Patton: well I don’t know about you but I think it’s _snow_ great I get to tell dad jokes again! It’s really _ice_! 

Me:

Patton: Cuz you have a snow day? And you were gonna go to school today because you had finally gotten over the flu? But now you’ve missed almost an entire week of school? And you’re gonna have like four different tests to make up? Because of the snow?

Me:

Me: anyway

Logan: *appears* IT HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN A WEEK SINCE YOU DARED ME TO HAVE NO CROFTER’S FOR A WEEK WHICH MEANS* summons jar of Crofter’s and immediately starts wolfing it down*

Me: you do that buddy. 

Virgil: *sitting on Roman’s lap* I rEfUsE tO dO tHeSe DaReS iN tHiS mOnStRoSiTy! *points to his dress

Me: ooh you’re using big words. but lucky for you, the first date was to remove all previous dares **(I’m saving the second part of this dare for last)**!

Virgil: *in his hoodie* thank god

Roman: DISNEYYYYYYYY! *turns on The Lion King*

Me: *turns it off* I know you’re excited but you hafta wait until we’re done with the dares. 

Roman: UGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Virgil: Hey we can listen to Hamilton after this...

Roman:

Roman: actually that’s an amazing idea

Remy: *still in roman’s clothes* does this mean-

Me: yup

Remy: 👌 *snaps fingers and is now wearing normal clothes* 

Emile: I’m still gonna use your mug for tea, Rem. 

Remy: Good. I don’t want it back

Remus: *appears eating deodorant* haHA 

Me: ew

Remus: *chews loudly*

Logan: *finishes jam* this means I can now read and watch documentaries, correct?

Me: yup

Logan: Satisfactory 

Deceit: Oh, I _hated_ camping out in the light side area. It was so... _boring_

Virgil: wHaT DiD i TeLl YoU? He FlIpPiNg SCREAMS and He FlIpPiNg HISSES? *points to Remus then Deceit in turn* 

Remus: *shrugs, eats more deodorant* haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate. 

Roman: you DARE besmirch the name of Taylor Swift?

Me: both of you be quiet. Virgil and Roman, you have to swap clothes. 

Virgil: 

Virgil: nU I just got my beloved hoodie back- 

Me: *snaps fingers*

Virgil and Roman: *switch outfits* 

Roman: this is actually... pretty comfortable, Virge 

Virgil: *blushes and pulls Roman closer*

Roman: *kisses Virgil’s forehead*

Me: awwww. ❤️💜 Logan, you have to write in a different language for a week.

Logan: that won’t be too bad. No one else here knows French, correct?

Deceit: I’m not fluent. 

Logan:

Logan: WhY iN tHe NaMe Of CrOfTeR’s Do YoU kNoW fReNcH?

Deceit: *smirks* 

Me: well you’re just gonna have to live with it. Patton you have to hug everybody!

Patton: YAY!!!!!

Virgil: wait- *gets hugged by Patton*

Roman: *also gets hugged*

Patton: *runs over to Remy(sitting on Emile’s lap) and hugs them both simultaneously. Reluctantly hugs Deceit and hugs Reeeeeemus with minimum amount of touch required*

Logan: *picks up Patton bridal style as he hugs him* 

Me: awwwww 💙🤍 they didn’t have a light blue heart so I gave you a white one, Patton.

Me: Emile you have to give Remy tea in one of his mugs and remy has to drink it 

Remy: 

Remy: I refuse to drink tea 

remy: REFUSE

Emile: *already has mug*

Me: a dare is a dare. DRINK IT. 

Remy: this looks disgusting 

Me: D R I N K I T 

Remy: 

Remy: _fine_. *takes reluctant sip*

Emile: so. What do you think?

Remy: 

Remy: I hate to admit it, but...

Emile:

Remy: *takes another sip* it’s actually... not that bad?

Me: Holy Hecking Chicken Nuggets, he actually _likes it_? 

Remy: I’m... pleasantly surprised 

Emile: *kisses him* 

Remy: *blushes*

Me: Deceit, you have to insult every side...

Deceit: hard

Me:... including yourself

Deceit: easy

Me: ok, go

Deceit: Remy, you’re /not/ too addicted to coffee. Emile, you’re /not/ unnecessarily innocent. Logan, you /don’t/ act like a robot. Patton....

Deceit: I guess you’re /not/ too innocent. Virgil, you left us for a /very good/ reason. 

Virgil: *flinches* 

Roman: *hugs Virgil tighter*

Virgil: *cuddles into his chest and curls into a ball*

Deceit: Roman, you are /definitely/ as handsome as your brother. Remus, your deodorant /doesn’t/ smell gross. And I guess if I /don’t/ have to insult myself, then... I /like/ how I have to lie all of the time. 

Me: *runs over and hugs him*

Deceit: *shock*

Me: *backs away* sorry people... he’s my favorite character so I needed to comfort ma snek boi. 

Roman: *gasps* I’m not your favorite? 

Me: don’t worry, you’re close behind Slimy Boi. anyway we have one last dare. 

Me: all the ships have to make out. 

Remus: Gladly! *Presses Deceit against the wall and kisses him. Deceit wraps his arms around him and pulls him closer*

Virgil: *grabs Roman by his hoodie and kisses him. Roman runs his hands through Virgil’s hair* 

Remy and Emile: *were already making out*

Patton: *blushes* 

Logan: *sits down and pulls Patton on his lap before kissing him gently. Patton hugs him closer and Logan blushes* 

Me: well that wasn’t too hard. Take it easy guys gals and non binary pals! PEACE OUT!


	10. Chapter 10

**_[Ava](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659) Asked_ **

**_Logan: top or bottom?  
Deceit:pretend to be virgil and kiss roman  
Remus: run around everywhere screeching you head off  
Roman: opinion on remrom?(it ships you and remus and it sucks)  
Virgil: deny all dares you dont like and you get your hoodie back  
Patton: whet is the most evil thing you have ever done?  
Remy: tea only for a week  
Emile no remy for a whole three hours_ **

**_[Marcellus the softie](https://www.quotev.com/Softboi300) Asked_ **

**_Deceit now COMPLIMENT each side including yourself_ **

**_[That one weirdo](https://www.quotev.com/WhyIsthisreal) Asked_ **

**_Roman, don’t watch Disney until you steal ALL of Virgils hats OR deicets hat OR remuss deoderent_ **

**_I dare Remus to shave his mustache, and Patton I mustache u a question, nvm I’ll shave it for later_ **

**_[Aliens Are Real Fight Me](https://www.quotev.com/Imastrangehumanbeing) Asked_ **

**_I dare the ships to not kiss for a week_ **

**_[Neko Sans](https://www.quotev.com/DaniCat) Asked_ **

**_Virgil, what's one weird thing you've seen when you were with the dark sides?  
Roman, favorite musical other than Hamilton?  
Patton, who is your favorite side and why? (and yes, you have to pick)  
Logan, you have to talk in only vines for a week._ **

**_[Logicality's Kid](https://www.quotev.com/LokiHugsYou99960) Asked_ **

**_HOW DID I FORGET DEE AND REMUS!?!?!??!  
  
Remus: I dare you to go a whole week without eating deodorant. Also use powder scented on your underarms bc you need it, hon  
  
Deceit: Lick Patton_ **

**_A/N sorry if this was rushed I just wanted to get something out and be sort of productive today lol also is anyone going to Harry Potter land next weekend?_ **

Me: My gawsh that’s a hekk of a lotta dares so I’m gonna do them ALL IN ONE CHAPTER!

Virgil(still wearing Romans clothes): what? NO!

Roman(still wearing Virgil’s hoodie): Chaos will reign!

Me: chaos is my middle name. Anyway [Aliens Are Real Fight Me](https://www.quotev.com/Imastrangehumanbeing) dares all of the ships to not kiss for a week

Remus: *appears out of nowhere* whAT?!!? NO!

Deceit: *sulking* I /totally/ agree with this. *cuddles Remus*

Patton: awww. 

Logan: oof. 

Remy: danGIT

Emile: it’s ok. There are many love languages other than physical touch, y’know. 

Remy: *sighs and sits on Emiles lap*

Me: also Logan can only talk in vines for a week. He was dared by [Neko Sans](https://www.quotev.com/DaniCat)

Roman: ooh. That means he’s gonna swear a lot. 

Logan: *tries to sink down* f*ck this sh*t I’m out. 

Me: good start. Also [Ava](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659) wants to know if you are a top or bottom?

Logan:

Logan: 

Logan: *eats Crofter’s and ignores me*

Patton: *blushes* He’s a top.

Me:

Me: weLp there are no more innocent minds here! Deceit you have to pretend to be Virgil and kiss Roman.

Roman, Virgil, and Deceit: wait WHAT? 

Me: *shrugs* Don’t blame me blame [Ava](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659). Personally I think it’s a good dare... despite Prinxiety being my OTP I do also ship Roceit. 

Virgil: wow you’re quite the multi shipper. Out of curiosity what are all the things you ship?

Me: we’re gonna be here for a while. Ok um Prinxiety, Logicality, Demus, Logince, Analogical, LAMP/CALM, Intrulogical, Loceit, Roceit, Anxceit, Remceit, Intruloceit, Intruanxceit, Remile, Theranxiety, Intruloanxceit, Intruxiety, Theralogical, Logisleep, DLAMP, and DLAMPER(the R meaning Remy in that case)

Everyone: *blinks in astonishment*

Logan:

Logan: should I be worried that you ship me with everyone? Including Remus? And Deceit? And both at once?

Me: remember you’re only speaking in vines

Patton: also you only ship me with Logan and in the Poly ships? I guess I’m lucky. I don’t particularly want to be shipped with Remus or Deceit... *nervous laugh* 

Me: well I don’t think you and Roman have much chemistry, I think of you as Virgil’s dad, and you dislike both Deceit and Remus. Although I do enjoy platonic Patceit. 

Remus: nU slimy boi is mine

Logan: *hugs Patton* 

Me: Deceit! Roman! Now!

Deceit: *sighs and hugs Remus* Let it be know that I /agree/ with this!

Roman: I’m not kissing HIM! He just flipping kissed my brother!

Deceit: *turns into Virgil* I /love/ this. *looks at his hoodie in disgust*

Real Virgil: *hisses*

Fake Virgil: *sighs* *quickly leans over to peck Roman’s cheek* *turns back into Deceit*

Deceit: *wipes mouth vigorously* ugh

Roman: *wipes cheek*

Virgil: *kisses Roman’s cheek and hugs him* *hisses loudly at Deceit*

Remus: *picks up Deceit bridal style* don’t you _dare_ ever kiss my brother again. 

Deceit: /totally/ planning on it. I /wouldn’t/ kiss you right now but that stupid dare URGh. 

Me: ok good enough. Virgil, [Ava](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659) says you can ignore all the dares you don’t like. 

Virgil: *back in his hoodie* thank god. *Reaches out and kisses Roman* 

Roman: *kisses back and pulls him closer* I’m still wearing one of your hoodies. 

Remus: Hey! How come they get to kiss?

Me: Virgil can ignore any dares he wants. 

Remus: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I hate this with all my heart and soul. 

Me: anyway Patton [Ava ](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659)wants to know what the most evil thing you’ve ever done is?

Patton:

Patton: one time I ate four cookies

Everybody: *gasps*

Patton: FORGIVE ME!!

Me: that was unexpected. I never knew you would do something like that Patton:

Patton: *tears up*

Me: but I forgive you

Logan: *hugs Patton tighter*

Me: Remy only tea for a week

Remy: *grabs Emile’s tea* I guess I can live with that

Logan: I would say something but I can’t think of a vine to represent it so

Me: OnLy ViNeS lOgAn

Logan:

Logan: f*ck ya chicken strips. 

Me: thank you. 

Me: Emile no remy for a whole three hours

Emile: what

Emile: why

Emile: I’m sad now

Remy: *hugs Emile tighter*

Me: no I’m sorry but no *snaps fingers and they are now sitting on opposite sides of the couch*

Emile and Remy: UGH

Me: its only three hours. Deceit, compliment each side including yourself... dare courtesy of [Softboi300](https://www.quotev.com/Softboi300).

Deciet

Deceit: uGh. Remus, I /don’t/ love you 

Remus: aww thanks Dee! 

Deceit: *smiles a bit* Virgil, you /weren’t/ a pretty good Dark Side. 

Virgil: *hisses loudly* I don’t like you. 

Deceit: *smirks* Logan, sometimes you actually /don’t/ understand what I’m saying. Patton, you were quite /boring/ to go against in court

Roman: yeah but that’s only because you manipulated the entire thing!

Deceit: And Roman I’m /not/ glad you only represent part of creativity because without that Remus wouldn’t exist.

Roman: keep him. I don’t want him. 

Deceit: Remy, you’re /not/ pretty cool I guess. And Emile, therapy /doesn’t/ have anything/ to do with philosophy so I guess that’s ok. And I am naturally the only /not/ sensible one here. 

Remus: *points at him* true. Very true. 

Logan: falsehood. 

Me: OnLy ViNeS lOgAn

Logan: oh right. Fre sha voca do

Me: *thumbs up* anyway Roman no Disney until you steal all of Virgil’s hats, Deceit’s hat, or Remus’s deodorant. Dare from [That one weirdo](https://www.quotev.com/WhyIsthisreal)

Roman: NO NOT AGAIN

Virgil: I have hats?

Roman: yeah I guess. Didn’t you wear a Santa hat this year?

Virgil: then steal that. Please. 

Roman: *appears with Santa hat* thank god DISNEY

Me: [That one weirdo](https://www.quotev.com/WhyIsthisreal) also dared Remus to shave his mustache

Remus: WHAT

Remus: NO!

Remus: I REFUSE-

me: *snaps fingers*

Remus: *now mustacheless* I HATE THIS

Roman: *snickers*

Remus: UGHHHHHHH

Me: Patton read this *shows him phone*

Patton: ohhhh that’s funny! *starts reading* Remus, I mustache you a question

Remus: oh god look out

Patton: never mind. I’ll shave it for later

Remus: I HATE YOU ALL. 

Deceit

Remus: except for deceit obviously. 

Me: DEMUS

Everyone: OH MY GOD SHUT UP

Me: *shrugs* ok Virgil, what’s the weirdest thing you saw when you were with the dark sides?

Virgil: oh it has to be the time that Remus stabbed Deceit and Deceit was like, “you missed” and Remus was like “what?” And deceit was like “your dagger lodged in between my heart and lungs. It didn’t puncture any of my vital organs. Therefore at the moment I would be in extreme pain but still alive.” And then he pulled the dagger out.

Remus: I thought you were gonna say something about the time me and Deceit stayed up for 48 hours straight trying to beat Minecraft. Or the time that I actually put a goldfish in a condom. 

Me: ok. Ew. Let’s move on. Roman, favorite musical other than Hamilton?

Roman: oh, definitely Heathers. *immediately starts singing ‘Candy Store’*

Me: I would not have pegged you for that one but ok! Patton who’s your favorite side... and yes you have to choose. 

Patton: I love you ALL SO MUCH!!!!!

Me: just one

Patton:

Patton: fine. Logan cuz we’re dating... although I STILL LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH

Me: cool Deceit lick Patton(dare from [Logicality's Kid](https://www.quotev.com/LokiHugsYou99960))

Patton: wait Logan we have a child? 

Logan: it appears so

Me: lOgAn ViNeS

Logan: *sighs* I wOn’T hEsItAtE, b*tCh

Patton: I love you! But why..??

Deceit: lets /not/ get this over with. 

Remus: I can do it! I licked David Abbot!

Me: yes we know. 

Deceit: *licks patton on the cheek* 

Patton: ew *summons washcloth and rubs cheek*

Deceit: I /disagree/

Logan: *kisses pattons cheek*

Me: no kissing. 

Logan: ughhh. GiVe Me YoUr F*cKiNg MoNeY b*tCh

Me: oh look Remus... no deodorant for a week. Also use underarm spray. 

Remus: I HATE THIS. *sulking*

Deceit: *picks him up* /do/ worry love. It /won’t/ be over soon.

Virgil: *kissing Roman*

Patton: *hugging Logan*

Remy: *texting Emile from across the room*

Me: well I’m lonely oh well see you later, guys, gals, and non binary PALS! Peace out!

Me: wait I almost forgot! Roman what’s your opinion on RemRom?

Roman: I’m almost afraid to ask but what is it?

Me: it’s a romantic ship between you and Remus

Roman: *backing away* *screeches* EW! NO! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! NO! NO! I DON'T LIKE YOU!

Remus: *smirks* I don’t particularly like you but it would make Thomas very uncomfortable so ima make him dream about it

Roman: EWWWWWW


	11. Chapter 11

A/N I’m so sorry [Ava](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659) I forgot to do one of your dares! I will make sure to do it in this chapter

[Ava](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659) asked

Can you tell the sides that my favorite dark side is remus but my favorite light side is virgil? I wanna know how they would react  
  
Also i have more ideas...  
  
Roman: whats your favorite food?  
Remus: interrupt roman when he's singing and change the lyric to somerhing dirty  
Deciet: speak truthfully for the next set of dares

Logicality’s Kid asked

Patton and Logan: I have a question. Now that you have discovered my existence, how do you feel? And how do you feel about my backstory?

Me: Oh waow two posts in one day! Enjoy the frequent updates while they last XD. Remus!

Remus: nU. 

Me: [Ava](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659) dared you to run around screaming. 

Remus: I guess I can do that. *circles the others while screeching demonically*

Roman: *kissing Virgil* shut up Remus

Logan: stahhhp I coulda dropped my croissant!

Me: lovin the vines Logan. 

Remy: THANK GOD ITS BEEN THREE HOURS *sits on emiles lap again* 

Emile: *hugs him*

Me: Ok Roman [Ava](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659) Wants to know your favorite food!

Roman: spaghetti. I also like Crofter’s. Specifically Logans flavor. 

Me: cool. *shows Remus his dare* Will you sing a song?

Roman: weird, but ok. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens-

Remus: *screeching* sTiCKiNg My D*Ck In RoTiSsERiE cHiCkEn!

Everyone: ughhhhhh

Logan: what a visual. 

Me: ah. I see the tiktok reference. Deceit I am freeing you from the bonds of lying by making you tell the truth for the next set of dates. 

Deceit: sh*t. Um. I don’t think I can lie now. 

Me: you can’t. Thanks for trying though. Logicality’s kid contacted me. She said she came from an alternative universe and she wants to know what you think of her existence/backstory. *shows them [Deceit's Journal](https://www.quotev.com/story/12434455/Deceits-Journal)*

Deceit: wow. That is something Remus would eat. 

Remus: ima try that. *grabs jar of mayonnaise, cherry tomatoes, and Oreo chunks*

me: EW! NO! *snaps fingers and gets rid of it* 

Remus: aww

Deceit: why would you name the baby Gertrude?

Remus: just because. 

Deceit: wait in this universe we broke up? Also this is true no one should ever trust you to be a parent. 

Remus: well in this universe you went out with Virgil and also stabbed your own child...

Deceit: I would never do that. Hopefully. *rubs temples* ahh my head is spinning. Well I’m glad that you two took her in.*points to Logan and Patton, then turns to Remus* And if we ever have a daughter we are not naming her Gertrude! 

Patton: I HAVE ANOTHER CHILD AHHHH

Virgil: ew. I never wanna go out with Deceit. *kisses Roman*

Deceit: likewise. I would kiss Remus but someone dared us not to so UGHHHHHH 

Me: also Ava wants you to react to the fact that Virgil is their favorite light side and Remus is their favorite dark side. 

Virgil: surprisingly I am a very popular character. It’s strange. 

Remus: ooh she likes me better than you, Roman!

Roman: *sighs*

Me: well that was a short chapter bye everyone


	12. Chapter 12

[quotev.com/Little80929 ](https://www.quotev.com/Little80929) Said 

**I have some more dares  
  
Logan has to yell I'm a turtle   
Patton has to try to be edgy   
Remy has to hide somewhere till someone finds him  
And all da ships have to stay away from each other (if you do these dares please do this one last)**

[me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) Said

**DARES  
Virgil;can't refuse dares anymore  
Logan; must smash crofters while watching  
Roman and Remus;must switch spots  
Patton;must eat FIVE COOKIES  
Deceit;must wear something of authors choosing  
Author;must eat deodorant  
Remy;only cordial for a week  
Emile;must stay away from Remy for 24 hours and with Remus for said 24 hours**

[WofFan4Life Is Worried About Kiwi](https://www.quotev.com/WofFan4Life30469) said

**Hey patton! honest opinion on the sides? have deceit there so he knows when hes lying**

**NOT THAT I THINK HE’LL LIE BUT JUST IN CASE**

[Viv the Proxy hates everyone and](https://www.quotev.com/Theshow19) Asked

  
**DARES MADAFAKAS**

**Patton: Let everyone cuss. Also. You have to yell out a random cuss word.  
Logan: idk just...... you can now only talk using the Periodic Table of elements. Aka you can only say them.  
Roman: Punch someone you hate (not Deceit)  
Virgil: KISS EVERYONE   
Deceit: you and Remus can kiss now U-U ur welcome   
Remus: Tell deceit to hold the fuck up. Say you’re the fuck up.  
Picani: Drink coffeee for the next two chapters   
Remy: Here’s👏🏼The Motherfucking👏🏼👏🏼 TEA!!!! All tea for the rest of the week.**

**a/n not censoring the cursing in this comment because I’m lazy Lmao also if you get the Harry Potter reference you are a legend**

  
Me: ma stupid phone wouldn’t let me copy and paste at first. Anyway DEE REMUS GET IN HERE

Remus: wut

Me: what’s the weirdest thing you ever saw Virgil do as a dark side? 

Deceit: ooh, definitely /not/ the time he ran around screaming, “Yeet!” as he threw an empty can of pepsi at me. 

Remus: what about the time he stabbed me?

Deceit: that /didn’t/ happen at least three times. Are you /not/ referring to the time the knife was covered with poison or the time he yeeted it at you from the top of a building half a mile away?

Me: ok next question. Virgil and Logan have to do a vine war. 

Virgil: ooh I can do vines. 

Logan: A pOtAtO fLeW aRoUnD mY rOoM bEfOrE yOu CaMe-

Virgil: move, I’m gay. 

Logan: f*ck off, Rebecca. I’m not going to your f*cking baby shower. 

Virgil: road work ahead? Yeah, I sure _hope_ it does!

Logan: wAtCh YoUr PrOfAnItY

Virgil: oh hi thanks for checking in I’m still a piece of garbage

Logan: I think _I_ know more about American Girl Dolls than _you_ do, _genius_. 

Virgil: I aM tHe SaNd GuArDiAn, GuArDiAn Of ThE sAnD. 

Logan: Be CaReFuL cHiLdReN, tHaSsA lOtTa SoDiUm

Virgil: bagel bois, dm dmdm dm BaGeL bOiS, dm dmdm dm, BAGEL BOIS! With cream cheese!

Logan: I have no soul! Have a nice day!

Virgil: *hmhm* that is not correct.

Virgil: because according to the encyclopedia of *tongue noises* 

Logan: Mother trucker, dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a-

Roman: Oh My GoSh I WiLl KiLl BoTh Of YoU (except for Virgil) 

Me: well whatever NEXT THING! Remus, Deceit, [Viv the Proxy hates everyone and](https://www.quotev.com/Theshow19) says you can kiss again.

Deceit: THANK GOD

Remus: *kisses Deceit*

Remus and Deceit: *immediately making out*

Me: glad you’re happy. Logan, you must yell, “I’M A TURTLE!” 

Logan: 

Logan: *sighs* here goes my dignity I’M A TURTLE

Me: ok by the way [Viv the Proxy hates everyone and](https://www.quotev.com/Theshow19) I would do the dare about Logan only talking about the periodic table but unfortunately I am only in seventh grade and have not learned it yet (I also hate science so that might be a part of it) sorry again!

Me: Patton: honest opinion of all the sides? No lying. Deceit, tell me if he’s lying

Deceit: /no/

Patton: Logan, I love you, so that’s my opinion of you 

Logan: aww

Patton: Virgil you are my dark strange son

Patton: Roman you are right most of the time 

Patton: Emile you’re cool

Patton: Remy you are sensible 

Patton: deceit you are sneaky

Patton: and Remus you are stinky

Me: I can’t do any better atm I’m exausted *laughs* *dies*

Me: How about this one. Virgil, you have to kiss everyone and you can’t refuse dares anymore

Virgil:

Virgil: NOPE

Virgil: NOT HAPPENING!

Virgil: NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS

Virgil: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME

Me: actually I can

Virgil: nU

Me: yes

virgil: nU

Me: you can choose the order you kiss them and where you kiss them

Virgil: nUUUUUUUU

Me: now. 

Virgil: I HATE THIS

Virgil: *kisses Roman forcefully* dammit you were the only one I was looking forward to kissing

Virgil: *pecks Patton’s cheek* I don’t mind you so much

Virgil: *also kisses Logan’s cheek* you’re not so bad either

Virgil: *lightly kisses Remy’s cheek, then Picani’s* *looks at Deceit and Remus, still making out, in disgust* do I have to?

Me: yes. And one sec. *snaps fingers* *deceit and Remus break apart*

Remus: aww you ruined my fun!

Virgil brushes his lips quickly to deceit’s cheek, then Remus’s* *wipes mouth vigorously* *glares at Deceit and Remus* THIS MEANS NOTHING

Me: question for [Viv the Proxy hates everyone and](https://www.quotev.com/Theshow19) by everyone did you mean including me? Cuz I can make Virgil kiss me if you want to

Virgil: nUU *kisses Roman*

Me: I can and will. Anyway *shows Remus dare.*

Remus: *smirks* DECEIT! Hold THE F*CK UP!

Deceit:

Deceit: wha

Remus: I’m the f*ck up. 

Roman: *mutters* yes you are

Deceit: *picks Remus up Bridal Style*

Me: Patton this next one might break you. You have to let everyone cuss...

Patton; I do already. I’ve given up hope. 

Me: and you have to shout a random cuss word. 

*Patton.exe has broken*

Me: well.... Deceit! Turn into Patton and cuss!

Deceit: *turns into Patton* *yells* F*CK!

Me: good enough. Patton, you have to be edgy!

Patton: *draws on himself with crayola halloween pack of markers* I’M SO ANGSTY OMGGGGGGG

Me:

Me: good enough I’m exhausted. Patton eat five cookies

Patton: FIVE?

Patton: I don’t know if I can do that kiddo

Me: *hands him five cookies* work on it. Deceit wear this *tosses him Logan’s unicorn onesie*

Deceit: 

Deceit: WHY?

Me: because. *snaps fingers*

Deceit: *in unicorn onesie* I /love/ this

Me: oof I have to eat Remus’s deodorant 

Reeemus: wait people can dare _you_?

Me: yep

Remus: give her hell. Please. *hands me deodorant*

Me: *reluctantly takes bite*

Me: *spits it out* AHH IT TASTES LIKE SH*T!

??: LANGUAGE 

Me: 

Me: who was that?

??: oh I’m your personal morality. Hi! Just popping in because you cursed and your not supposed to so

Me: DAMN IT well maybe my sides will be here too, eventually. Or maybe they’ll get their own separate book. Who knows? Anyway Logan smash a jar of Crofter’s.

Logan:

Logan: nUUUUUU

Logan: hell no!

Logan: n to the o to the NO

Me: it can be an empty jar

Logan:

Logan: still no 

Me: just do it

Logan: ugh

Logan: fine

Logan: *summons empty jar of Crofters*

Logan: *smashes it*

Logan: *broken*

Me: Roman and Remus have to switch spots. I don’t really know what that means so I’m taking it literally. *Roman and Remus swap places* there. 

Me: ok Picani drink coffee

Emile: *summons cup of Pumpkin Spice Seasonal Depression* *sips it*

Remy: *still on tea, and only tea* lucky

Me: Remy your period of only tea has extended for another week, but cordial has been added to the list

Remy: F*CK! Also series of unfortunate events reference (idk if it was intentional but whatever I gotcha)

Me: also you have to hide someone until someone finds them

Remy: *snaps fingers*

Me: *disappears*

Everyone except Remus: OH F*CK REMY WHAT DID YOU DO

Remus: dang it I was going to kill them!

Me: HAHA YOU WERE FOOLED I CAN STILL FACETIME YOU!

Remy: 

Remy: damn it

Me: YOU FOOLISH MORTALS! next dare is that Emile has to stay away from Remy, with Remus for the next 24 hours. 

Remy: WHY

Remy: I told you I’M A TOTAL B*TCH OFF OF COFFEE. MY INNER B*TCHINESS IS SHOWING THROUGH

Remy: I’M GOING INSANE

Me: aww I’m sorry. I’ll let you hug Emile for five minutes before the dare sets in. Actually, all of the ships can do that because you all have to stay away from each other for an hour

Everyone: WHYYYYYYY

Me: deal with it

Remus: *making out with Deceit again*

Virgil: *kissing Roman*

Patton: *hugging a broken Logan*

Emile: *letting Remy sit on his lap and hug him*

Me: I’ll let you be. Just one thing to ask Thomas

Thomas: what

Me: do Roman and Remus put any images of the sides dating in your head? And is having your sides dating each other weird?

Thomas: *runs hands through hair* I’ll do the second one first. I’m gonna say it’s a bit odd, I guess? But also good. I’m sleeping better, Remus isn’t as much of a nuisance, I have just the right amount of Anxiety, and my creativity is flowing well. As for the first question, a couple nights ago I had a really odd dream centered around Deceit? But other then that we’re good.

Me: ok that’s it for today take it easy guys gals and non binary pals! Peace out! (And yes you can give me dares)


	13. Chapter 13

**[me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) Said**

  
**WELP since i wasn't specific enough i guess i'll try again...  
Roman; do something only Remus is willing to do  
Remus;Be innocent for 24 hours  
Author (hehehe *smiles evily*) make patton CRY MWAHAHAHAHa (im not evil but you didn't do my dares properly)  
Also Author;(mwahahaha) just tell Deceit and Remus they're my favs and if Remus was hurt by my dare tell him i said SORRY FORGIVE MEEEEEE PLEASE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEmus  
Logan and patton; enjoy som private time (ALSO TELLL PATTON I'M SORRY)  
Remy;SUFFER (I dunno don't judge meh)  
Emile;hi  
THOMAS; Eat deodorant (you know you wanna)  
Truth  
Author/Patton;did Patton eat all 5 cookies????**

**OOOHHH CAN I CHANGE ROMANS TO  
GO DUMPSTER DIVING IN HIS FAV CHLOTHES  
  
K maybe i'm a little evil**

Me: sorry if I didn’t do your dares properly! I wrote the last chapter at about 1 am this morning. But before we do _these_ dares, THE SHIPS CAN KISS AGAIN!

Logan: *kisses Patton gently*

Patton: Awww love you too!

Remy and Emile: *already making out* 

Logan and Patton: *cuddling together on couch*

Virgil: *kisses Roman*

Roman: we could already kiss before...

Virgil: they were all kissing and I was getting jealous 

Deceit and Remus: *fully making out*

Me: ok let’s get to the dares! Roman, do something only Remus is willing to do...

Roman:

Roman: oh god please no spare me-

Me: *hands him deodorant* EAT IT

Roman: *smells it* *gags*

Roman: THIS IS AN UNHOLY CONCOCTION 

Remus: *smirks* what can I say? I’m an unholy concoction 

Me: I ate it. You have to. 

Roman: ughhh

Roman: *reluctantly takes bite*

Roman: *immediately spits it out* you’re right IT TASTES LIKE SH*T!

Me: good enough NEXT! Remus be innocent and PG for 24 hours

Remus:

Remus: UGHHHHHHHH WHY? It’s LITERALLY MY JOB TO ANNOY THOMAS WITH INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. I AM _**LITERALLY**_ THE EMBODIMENT OF DARK CREATIVITY! UGHHHHHHHHHHH

Me: deal with it. 

Remus: I’m just gonna be a chosen mute for the next 24 hours. People kiss in PG movies, right?

Me: yeah sometimes...?

Remus: *kisses deceit*

Me: *looks at phone* WHY?????

Remy: did you get a dare you don’t like? Oh no poor you. *glares at me*

Me: I would do this to any other side but Patton.

Roman: what is it?

Me:

Me: I have to make Patton cry. 

Logan: nUuU

Me: I don’t want to!

Patton: 

Virgil: IF YOU MAKE MY POP STAR CRY I SWEAR-

Roman: PATTON IS INNOCENT NO CRYING. **NONE**. 

Me: sorry but it’s a dare. But I think I have an idea. *snaps fingers*

*someone with very wavy brown hair that goes to their ears, an odd all-black [hat](https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&hl=en-us&q=Panama+hat&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAEWSTW6DMBCFk1aVklTd9ASoi26xAWNzi6y7sQDzIzDE_BQTjtEj9Dg5UlYlqcfx6tPozbynGe8-P_Zu4yJPSNZ_7ct4dNq4yYbL9r-cdzwELj2EbR31CTCdz9IwnjouoF5oyR7MCbAIaG9nIrLWD3fuqJJ26C2P4XD0AjAOpC9qwz4rWAH6kNIWNBFTZ9D0iVKGSYjnCcwo9ydqnatmQjZSlOTQrZcCuoOONnYVo0KgD9LOB703aFnbVUQCgQHpFefQMDQLiLzJz2fDkVaktCHKwu66rHhw2e5unMpQwsyQVYSZOhY6At-5HuEcDHMsbeb2Zvt616xvpjapSvIKVFUu0eMG-AxuOhmXddSbW7gYC6EHpRQ37stUw3FZkLZwE4qYDE0_SZGaSmvfkYj01-378aS-Zdw7p9YZy8zRWXJ92vw8b35fDsd4_Yixs_7IP7K4EpykAgAA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiGguCZq9vnAhUHg3IEHd0CARUQ-BYwJ3oECAkQOQ&biw=375&bih=553&dpr=2), tan skin, brown eyes, a long-sleeved black [shirt](https://images.app.goo.gl/xhmehLtbNgSuX9XM9), a long [cloak](https://images.app.goo.gl/KVVTA21tW8318k5NA), yellow gloves, and what looked like snake scales on one side of their face appears*

???: *sigh* what do you need?

Deceit: oh god who is that?

Patton: *looks between Deceit and ???* woah, I’m seeing _double_ here! 

Me: this is my Deceit, but for plot convenience I’m gonna call them Dishonesty. They’re non-binary. Does it count if Dishonesty makes Patton cry? Cause technically they’re a part of me? I don’t know. I also don’t know your name yet. *looks dishonesty up and down*

Virgil: *hisses* THERE’S TWO OF THEM NOW! WHY?!!

Me: because they can lie to Patton until he cries and then they will all be lies. 

Logan: I think for the dare to work, you, specifically _you_ , have to say it.

Me: _fine_. I’m sorry Patton! Also dishonesty stick around so that Patton knows I’m lying! 

Deceit: *fist bumps Dishonesty*

Dishonesty: *fist bumps back*

Me: *deep breath* you can never eat another cookie ever again. Ever. 

Patton: *starts crying*

Me: *hugs him* I’M SO SORRY PATTON FORGIVE ME!!!!

Roman: damnnnn that was harsh

Me: *hands Patton another cookie* 

Patton: *eats it*

Me: side note- did you finish all five cookies yesterday?

Logan: he did. 

Me: cool 👌 deceit, Remus, [me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) wants you to know that you’re their favorites and they want to say they’re sorry and I quote, “ tell Deceit and Remus they're my favs and if Remus was hurt by my dare tell him i said SORRY FORGIVE MEEEEEE PLEASE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEmus “

Remus: *blinks*

Remus: ok. I forgive you! 

Me: that was easier than I thought it would be. Logan and Patton get some time together away from us if they want. 

Logan: thank GOD I’m going insane. *him and Patton sink out* 

Me: Patton [me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) wants to say sorry

Patton: oh! I forgive you kiddo. ❤️

Me: aww so wholesome. Remy [me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) wants you to suffer

Remy: *sips tea* I’M ALREADY SUFFERING I HAVEN’T HAD COFFEE FOR A WEEK

Me: Fair enough. Emile, [me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) says hi 

Emile: Do you how do?

Me: oh gosh THOMAS GET IN HERE?

Thomas: *appears* oh so people can dare ME now too?

Me: apparently. Eat Remus’s deodorant.

Thomas:

Thomas: gross. You sure it won’t kill me?

Me: I had to eat it, and so did Roman. 

Thomas: ugh. *takes bite* *immediately spits it out* UGHHH! IT TASTES LIKE SH*T!

Me: 

Me: I thought so too. Last dare!

Virgil: Who’s it for?

Me: Roman has to go dumpster diving in his favorite clothes 

Roman: 

Roman: WHY I’M NOT REMUS?

Remus: you think I’m gonna let him in my room?

Me: you live in a dumpster?.... never mind of course you do. Sorry, it’s the rules!

Remus: *picks Roman up without warning and yeets him into dumpster **(I’m lazy I know)** *

Roman: *covered in trash* WHY?

Reeemus: haHA


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: THREE CHAPTERS IN A DAY(nope I didn’t post this till the day after whoops)?? Hell yes enjoy these quick updates while they last XD**

  
**[Ava](https://www.quotev.com/Ava93659) says  
Author: hug remus. Poor trash man only has deciet  
Remus: kiss logan ( im sorry i kinda ship intrulogical)  
Patton: go put crofters on a cookie and eat it  
Logan: dont kill patton for his dare  
Virgil: swap personalities with another side of authors choice  
Roman: wear the most annoying and obnoxious outfit you can think of  
Deciet: become sneky   
Thomas: what is the wierdest thing you have ever seen  
Everbody: dare me or my sides. I have a thing that has them.**

  
**[That one weirdo](https://www.quotev.com/WhyIsthisreal) says**

**I know I already went BuT i DoNt CaRe  
Patton: learn what adultry is   
Logan : don’t eat Crofters for a week  
Roman : no Disney until you spend time with Remus   
Virgil : spend time with deceit   
And author: show us all ur sides**

  
**[Roman Sanders](https://www.quotev.com/CinnaminBun) says**

**I dare Author to let everyone dare him. >:3**

**[thy emo tree](https://www.quotev.com/Pattonwantscookies) says**

**Roman has to listen to Virgil’s music  
Logan has to listen to nursery rhymes on repeat**

  
**[me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) says**

**I legit through my hands in the air and said and i quote 'yay' when Remus forgave me. I was also happy when Patton did so.  
And I agree with that one weirdo SHOW US ALL UR SIDES.  
Also its fine that you didn't do mine properly I don't mind.  
MORE DARES BOOOIIIIISSSSSSS  
Logan;smash a full jar of Logans berry crofters while looking  
Author;dab on all the haters (I'M TIRED MKAY)  
Remus; SAY something innocent (it can just be saying I love you to Deceit I guess)  
Roman;do you still have garbage on you (EVIL SMIRK)  
Emile; Give Deceit and Remus a proper hug (they deserve it thats fact)  
Remy;whats the weirdest thing you've seen each of the sides do  
Thomas;did you eat the stinky flavoured deodorant if not DO SO  
All of Authors sides;(MWAHAHAHA)(wow I can be mean they're new here)What are all your real names (optional but don't tell 'em straight away)  
BTW I love your work its amazing also love your schedule  
Author;Tell REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEmus and Deceit I said Hi**

Me: YEET I’M BACK

Roman: I sent you another dare hehehe

Me:

Me: well sh*t

Author’s Morality: no swearing!!!

Me: sorry. I have to hug Remus. TRASH MAN GET IN HERE!

Remus: *appears* wut

Me: *tackle hugs him*

Remus:

Remus: *hugs back* GROUP HUG WHERE’S SNEK?

Deceit: *hugs me and Reeeemus*

Me: ok cool Remus you have to *winces* kiss Logan

Logan: nU

Logan: NOT HAPPENING

Logan: No

Me: Remus just kiss him on the cheek. 

Remus:

Remus: _fine._

Remus: *pecks Logan’s cheek*

Me: haHA Intrulogical! My second OTP! 

Logan and Remus: *in unison* you ship us?

Virgil: no. This is a Prinxiety, Logicality, Demus, and Remile book. No intrulogical.

Me: 

Me: ugh fine I’ll just settle for reading fanfictions. Patton, put Crofter’s on a cookie and eat it. And Logan you aren’t allowed to kill Patton. 

Logan: I won’t kill him. I love him. *hugs him*

Patton: *grabs sugar cookie* I hope this will _bake_ your day better!

Me: haha very punny. 

Patton: *spreads Crofter’s on cookie* *eats it* Wow Logan... that’s actually really good!

Logan: *spooning Crofter’s into mouth* I know. 

Me: cute. And if you’re wondering why we’re moving so fast it’s because we have a heck of a lotta ground to cover. Virgil swap personalities with someone of your choice. 

Virgil:

Virgil: _why_?

Me: i don’t know. 

Virgil: fine. Roman I guess?

Me: cool *snaps fingers*

Virgil(Roman): oh this is new. 

Roman(Virgil): deal with it Princey. 

Virgil(Roman): ooh I can call _you_ princey!

Roman(Virgil): *smirks* emo nightmare. 

Me: this is so weird...

Logan: agreed.

Me: welp they didn’t specify how long you have to stay that way , so how about for the rest of the round?

Roman(Virgil): I can live with that. 

Me: Virgil-I mean Roman. Wear the most obnoxious outfit you can think of. 

Virgil(Roman): *snaps fingers*

Virgil(Roman): *now wearing replica of Remus’s outfit*

Me: odd choice

Virgil(Roman): Remus is the most obnoxious thing in this room. 

Remus: awww thank you!

Me: Deceit, you must, and I quote, “become sneky”. 

Deceit:

Deceit: what does that mean..?

Me: how bout this. *snaps fingers*

Deceit: *holding snake* Ooh I love snakes

Roman(Virgil): you are a snake. 

Me: good enough. Thomas, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen?

Thomas: probably Deceit and Remus making out whilst standing over someone’s dead body. It was in a dream.

Me: 

Me: odd, but that is something those two would do. And for the last dare, does anyone want to dare these sides? *shows Ava’s sides to everybody*

Remus: *smirks* I dare them all to say their crushes. 

Patton: I dare Reina to eat SIX COOKIES!

Roman(Virgil): *smirks* I dare Syca to yell multiple curse words. 

Me: ok good enough. Logan, explain to Patton the real meaning of ‘adultrey’

Logan: nU ma boyfriend is innocent bean. 

Me: NOW. 

Logan:

Logan: _fine_

Logan: Adultreyisdefinedasvoluntarysexualintercoursebetweenamarriedpersonandapersonwhoisnothisorherspouse.

Patton:

Patton: _oh_. 

Patton: _ **OH**_

Patton: oops. 

Me: yeah... Logan no Crofter’s for a week

Logan: NOT AGAIN! WHY DOES THIS KEEP F*CKING HAPPENING?!

Me: don’t ask me, ask them. 

Logan: *looks at you* *shakes your shoulders* WHY DOES THIS KEEP. F*CKING. HAPPENING?!

Me: Roman no Disney till you spend time with Remus, and Virgil you have to spend time with Deceit

Roman(Virgil) and Virgil(Roman): *hiss in unison*

Virgil(Roman): *slaps hand over mouth* what was that?

Logan: *adjusts glasses* it seems as if being in Virgil’s body instead of your own is having an effect on your actions. 

Roman(Virgil): no sh*t. *covers mouth* sorry. 

Me: yeah why don’t you guys change back. 

Roman(Roman): *back in his own body* thank god it was like being in your room for too long. 

Virgil: same. Is that what your room feels like? It’s... _weird_. 

Roman: *hugs Virgil* I still feel slightly clingy 

Virgil: *cuddles into Roman’s chest* *blushes* sorry. 

Remus: ooh Roman we get to spend time together. 

Roman: *kisses Virgil’s forehead* I don’t like you. 

Me: oof all of you get to give me a truth or dare

Remus: *evil laugh*

Remy: *smirks* ooh. 

Me: I’m gonna regret this. Let’s start with you, Remy?

Remy: I dare you to let me have coffee again. 

Me:

Remy: I told you, I’m a b*tch without coffee. I need my pumpkin spice seasonal depression.

Me: oof well sorry guys it’s a dare :(

Remy: *pumps fist* YES! *downs an entire cup of coffee*

Emile: hmmm... I dare you to watch Steven Universe. 

Me: *winces* I would’ve done that a long time ago if my parents let me. But I barely get any time to watch TV, and then my brother and sister almost always get to pick the show. So I can’t :(

Emile: DANG IT stupid homophobic parents 

Me: my thoughts exactly. 

Emile: then I dare YOU to drink some calming tea

Me: ok. 

Me: *sips tea* it’s actually pretty good. I love tea. 

Emile: well I wasted my dare. 

Logan: I dare you to go without books for a week

Me:

Me: WHAT?

Me: NU

Logan: *smirks* you feel my pain

Me: ughhhh but I’m going to my boring grandparent’s house! I don’t have anything to do there!

Logan: deal with it *holds up vocabulary card*

Patton: I dare you to go a whole day without making a Broadway reference. 

Me:

Me: _oof._

Patton: Sorry, kiddo!

Me: it’s ok Patton *hugs him*

Virgil: Wear a dress and high heels for the rest of this round

Me:

Me: I hate dresses. And high heels are pure hell. 

Virgil: *shrugs* I did it, you have to do it too.

Me: ugh fine

Me: *snaps fingers*

Me: *wearing a black dress and short heels* I hate this. 

Roman: No Broadway for a day

Me:

Me: DAMN IT

Roman: *smirks* 

Me: how would you feel if I told you I like Beetlejuice better than Hamilton? 

Roman: you monster. You DARE besmirch the name of Hamilton!

Remus: honestly? I agree

Me: I still love Hamilton. Don’t worry Roman. And now I can’t fricking _listen_ to it for 24 hours!!!

Remus: *smirks* tell us your crush. 

Me: I can’t tell you his name or her name, I’ll just describe them both. One of them is about my height (5’9”). He has wavy hair and glasses. He’s really smart and I admire him a lot. The other one is my best friend of several years, she’s short and she has long brown hair. I didn’t really develop a crush on her until about a year ago... six months ago I told her I thought I was Pansexual and I think she’s sort of homophobic but we’re still best friends. So I don’t have a chance with her unfortunately 

Remus: *whistles* damnnnnnnn. 

Deceit: *smirks* let us read one of your one shots that’s not Prinxiety, Logicality, Demus, or Remile. 

Me: 

Me: sure but this is about to get a little odd. I have seven one shots that aren’t those ships(I write way too much prinxiety). Do you want the analogical one, the logince one, the lociet one, the roceit one, the anxceit one, or the one with no ship?

Everyone: *blinks in confusion*

Logan: should I be worried that almost all of them contain me?

Me: the reason why there’s so many Deceit one shots is that I did a sympathy for Deceit week back in January. And there’s a lot of Logan one shots because I ship you with everybody. 

Virgil: let’s do the one with no ship. It seems like that will be the easiest to read without gagging. 

Me: ok. That one’s about Remus screeching his head off while lip syncing to an obnoxious song. 

Roman: so just a normal day then?

Me: yeah pretty much. [Sanders Sides One Shots](https://www.quotev.com/story/12392137/Sanders-Sides-One-Shots/11)

Deceit: why is your Quotev username Snek Boi But Gayer if your pronouns are she/her/they/them

Me: yeah I should probably change that. Maybe to something like “Snek Boi But Demigirl?” 

Everyone: *reads story* 

Roman: this is literally a normal day. 

Me: thought so. Anyway let’s get back on track. Roman listen to Virgil’s music, and Logan listen to nursery rhymes on repeat 

Roman: virgils music isn’t that bad. 

Logan:

Logan: I. AM. GOING. F*CKING. INSANE. 

Me: welp you’re about to go more insane. Smash a full jar of Logan’s Berry while looking at it.

*Logan.exe has stopped working*

Patton: you broke him. 

Logan: *robotic voice* initiating reboot process. *whirring sounds* FALSEHOOD I WILL NOT SMASH A JAR OF CROFTERS! I REFUSE!

Me: *grabs Logan’s arm, forces him to throw jar of Logan’s Berry to ground and look at it as it smashes* done. 

Logan: *broken*

Me: *snaps fingers to clean up mess and hands him jar of Crofter’s* eat this. It’ll help you feel better. 

Logan: *sadly eats Crofter’s*

Me: *dabs*

Everyone: ...

Virgil: what was that?

Me: a dare. Remus say something innocent

Remus: *kisses Deceit* I love you

Me: that works. Roman, me wants to know if you still have garbage on you

Roman: no. I have like seven of the same prince outfit. And I took a long, long, long, long, hot, hot, hot, hot shower. 

Me: odd but ok. Emile give both Dee and Remus a hug because they deserve it

Emile: ok *hugs dee* 

Deceit: *hugs back*

Emile: *hugs Remus* 

Emile: *goes back to sitting on Remy’s lap* 

Me: Remy what’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen any of the sides here do?

Remy: Remus yeeting a can of Pepsi at me while screaming, “KuM bA yA, mA lOrD” 

Me:

Me: I’m not gonna ask anymore. Thomas did you eat the deodorant?

Thomas: yeah.... last chapter?

Me: ok cool

Deceit: *in a narrator voice* he was lying

Me: *snorts* whatever I have to show you my sides anyway. Here goes

AUTHOR’S SIDES

light sides:  
Morality(also impulse control): wavy brown hair going to cheeks, panda hat, fluffy blanket wrapped around herself, glasses, shirt so long it could be a dress, black leggings. She/her/they/them

Logic: plaid shirt, magenta scarf, rectangle glasses, short wavy brown hair brushed back, jeans, almost always has a book. She/her

Creativity+: curly shoulder length brown hair, some sort of broadway shirt(usually Hamilton), jeans, white shawl, also has a bow(like Katniss Everdeen[yes I do like the Hunger Games]), usually has pride flag wrapped around shoulders, she/her

Anxiety: short curly brown hair fading to purple, bangs going to tips of ears, baggy black sweatshirt, black eyeshadow, dark grey sweatpants, she/her/they/them

Neutral sides:

Deceit(dishonesty): wavy brown hair that goes to ears, all-black [hat](https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&hl=en-us&q=Panama+hat&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAEWSTW6DMBCFk1aVklTd9ASoi26xAWNzi6y7sQDzIzDE_BQTjtEj9Dg5UlYlqcfx6tPozbynGe8-P_Zu4yJPSNZ_7ct4dNq4yYbL9r-cdzwELj2EbR31CTCdz9IwnjouoF5oyR7MCbAIaG9nIrLWD3fuqJJ26C2P4XD0AjAOpC9qwz4rWAH6kNIWNBFTZ9D0iVKGSYjnCcwo9ydqnatmQjZSlOTQrZcCuoOONnYVo0KgD9LOB703aFnbVUQCgQHpFefQMDQLiLzJz2fDkVaktCHKwu66rHhw2e5unMpQwsyQVYSZOhY6At-5HuEcDHMsbeb2Zvt616xvpjapSvIKVFUu0eMG-AxuOhmXddSbW7gYC6EHpRQ37stUw3FZkLZwE4qYDE0_SZGaSmvfkYj01-378aS-Zdw7p9YZy8zRWXJ92vw8b35fDsd4_Yixs_7IP7K4EpykAgAA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiGguCZq9vnAhUHg3IEHd0CARUQ-BYwJ3oECAkQOQ&biw=375&bih=553&dpr=2), tan skin, brown eyes, a long-sleeved black [shirt](https://images.app.goo.gl/xhmehLtbNgSuX9XM9), a long [cloak](https://images.app.goo.gl/KVVTA21tW8318k5NA), yellow gloves, snek scales. They/them

Dark sides(not really tho I still love them)

Creativity-/intrusive thoughts(yes i do have intrusive thoughts hahahaha its so fun-): frilly black shirt, green hair maybe an inch or two below the shoulders, bright green sash(very much inspired by Remus), has tentacles, carries nunchucks, he/him

Impulse: brown hair fading to white with black streaks, white suit, unnatural icy blue eyes(all the other sides have brown eyes), dragon wings, can yell REALLY FREAKING LOUDLY, gender fluid 

  
me: these are all the sides I know of at the moment. And I don’t know any of their names yet. 

Patton: *squeals, points at Author’s morality* I LOVE YOUR HAT

Morality: thanks!

Me: well that’s enough breaking my own fourth wall for today. Anyway-

Virgil: *points to impulse* who’s that?

Me: oh... that’s my impulse. What are your pronouns today?

Impulse: she/her today. I’m feeling weird. 

Me: you always feel weird. My impulse is basically my panic switch. I do some very weird things on impulse. 

Logic: *rubs temples* and I have to deal with the aftermath of the weird things

Anxiety: and I have to stress about the weird things.

Me: yeah my life is a mess

Creativity+: understatement 

Me: well this chapter is already like 2,400 words so I’m gonna just skip to Logan listening to nursery rhymes on repeat and Virgil and Roman hanging out with Dee and Reeeemus. 

-yeet-

Logan: *after two hours of nursery rhymes* I’M GOING INSANEEEEE

Patton: *shows up* it’s ok love *kisses him*

Logan: *deepens kiss* you are the only sane thing in my life right now

-yeet- 

Me: *locks Virgil, Roman, Deceit, and Remus in a room together* DON’T KILL EACH OTHER! ALSO ROMAN I EXPECT YOU TO BE LISTENING TO VIRGIL’S MUSIC

*roman and Virgil are cuddled on a couch together, listening to music. Surprisingly Roman doesn’t complain. Remus has pushed Deceit against a wall and they are fully making out at this point. Remus has his legs wrapped around Deceit’s torso and is stroking his cheek as they kiss deeply*


	15. Chapter 15

[Bella](https://www.quotev.com/BellaC12345) says

i got a dare that will probably be harder to do but sure  
I dare everyone (including you and your sides and maybe Thomas) to play Just Dance, it could be in teams if that is easier

  
[Turtle Boi](https://www.quotev.com/kitsune2452) says

Okey. I have some dares that I don't expect to be chosen.

Patton- gather everyone in the living room and yell "IT'S FREE REAL ESTATE!" This includes Thomas too.  
Logan- switch clothes with either virgil or roman  
Roman- give your brother your sword for a day  
Virgil- dye your hair red (with dye that washes out easily)  
Remy- give one of the other sides all of your coffee you get for the next 12 hours also please tell him it won't kill him, it's 12 hours.  
Emile- Play your favorite song for everyone at the loudest volume possible  
Deceit- share three weird things you have walked in on one of the sides doing, any side.  
Remus - Take ALL of Romans Hamilton CDs , hoodies, posted etc. All of the Hamilton stuff  
Thomas- Give everyone a cookie, a hug, and some coffee  
Author- just be you and have a happy day

[me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) says

OKAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY

Author;After REEEEEEEEEmus' Give him some lipstick and perfume/colone on my behalf  
Roman;Watch Remus burn all your Disney movies. ALL OF IT.  
Remy; give me a high five (I dunno I'm not creative)  
Emile; whats the weirdest thing you've seen Remy do  
Virgil;wear only a singlet and shorts (and boxers/underwear)  
Roman;enjoy seeing Virgil's muscles  
Logan; here have some crofters *snatches it and smashes it* (MWAHAHAHA)  
Patton;SAY NO DAD JOKES FOR 24 HOURS  
REEEEEEEEEEmus; eat a proper meal  
Deceit;what all your snakes names (:  
Author;tell REEEEEEEEEEmus how I reacted when he forgave meh please  
THANK YOU FOR DOING ALL MY PREVIOUS DARES AND POSSIBLY THIS LOT

[Prinxiety's Kid](https://www.quotev.com/MemoryAnxiety18) says

My dares: Tops can do whatever they want to the bottoms for a week  
Creator: make a potion and make Remus x Logan happen.  
Virgil: Do something that makes you calm and without stress  
Also I love the Hunger Games.   
Deceit: tell the truth for a week  
My parents: Make out.

Me: hey people sorry for not updating this in like a week... anyway EVERYONE WE’RE PLAYING JUST DANCE!

Virgil: whyyyyyyyyyy

Me: cause it’s a DARE! And you get to do it in TEAMS!

Roman: ooh this is gonna be fun

Me: and I GET TO CHOOSE THE TEAMS! 

Roman: nevermind *hugs Virgil*

Remus: whyyyyyyy I wanna be on Dee’s team! 

Me: my sides are included as well. So you can be with my Intrusive Thoughts but only cuz I’m putting Deceit with Virgil

Virgil: *screams* HeLL nU! Hell to the NU

Deceit: eh. 

Me: haHA my two favorites must get along

Virgil:

Virgil: you do realize who you’re talking to, right?

Me: I may or may not also be putting you with him because I ship anxceit...

Roman: oh HELL no! *kisses Virgil and holds him close*

Me: it’s platonic don’t worry

Virgil: hElL nOoO. 

Deceit: I /disagree/ with Virgil for once

Me: ugh fine how about this: Remus and Logan, Deceit and Roman, Virgil and Patton, Remy and my Anxiety, Emile and myself, my two creativities together, my Morality and Impulse, and my Logic and my Deceit.

Roman: glad we have an even number

???: welp I ruined it 

Me: oh god NOW? Why?

???: *appears* I’m better than all of you at just dance. So you shouldn’t even try.

Me: well *sighs* everyone please welcome my ego. They don’t care what their pronouns are 

  
Ego: sup. *wearing a Deceit Christmas sweater, comfy jeans, and has a red cape*

Deceit: why are you /not/ wearing my sweater?

Me: they want to make everyone jealous. Cause I really want your Christmas sweater but it’s 80 bucks and I’m poor. They think they’re better than everyone else. 

Ego: no, I KNOW I’m better than everyone else. And since I’m a part of you, you are too. 

Me: shut up. 

???: the authors ugly.

Me: SERIOUSLY? NOW?

Morality: why?

Ego: NO! She’s better than everyone else so just shut up depression 

Depression: *appears with short messy black hair, baggy black sweatshirt, baggy sweatpants, and socks and sandals. She/her* You are ugly. And fat. And worthless. And-

Ego: SHUT THE F*CK UP 

Morality: LANGUAGE

Impulse: *slaps Depression* 

Morality: Impulse STOP

Depression: ugh if you’re gonna slap me I’m out. But I’ll be back. 

Me: *sighs* obviously

Anxiety: but... what if she’s right? What if you are fat and ugly and a waste of space?

Ego: anxiety shut up 

Me: ego go away everyone here is equal. 

Ego: *grumbles* fine. 

Me: *rubs temples* I’m going insane

Impulse: hell yea you are. 

Intrusive thoughts: *screams* A FETUS IN A BLENDER

Me: why

Remus: my thoughts exactly! *fist bumps him*

Impulse: *demonic scream* 

Morality: impulse please

Logic: Wait shouldn’t me and Logan be on a team? We’re the only sane ones here

Logan: I wish. She decided to put me with that disgusting, demented thing

Remus: two D’s!

Everyone: *looks uncomfortably at Deceit*

me: well that got weird quickly LETS MOVE ON

-no ones POV-

I don’t have just dance therefore I will just tell you who won.   
  


Tied in first place: team Dee and Roman and my Creativitwins

Second place: Remy and my anxiety

Third Place: me and Emile

Fourth place: tie between team Virgil and Patton and team my morality and my impulse

Fifth place: my logic and my deceit

sixth place: Remus and Logan

*normal POV*

Me: welp that was fun. 

Everyone except Patton, Emile, all creativitwins , and my morality: no it wasn’t. 

Me: anyway Patton scream ‘it’s free real estate’

Patton: ok. ITS FREE REAL ESTATE! 

My creativity: oh are we quoting Vines now? WhEn WiLl yOu LeArN... WhEn WiLl YoU lEaRn... ThAt YoUr AcTiOnS-

Me: not now creativity-

Creativity: It’s Zelda, actually. 

Me:

Me: wait what?

Creativity/Zelda: that’s my real name. I’m not just Light Creativity, and I didn’t want to be known as that forever. 

Me: oh. Well, _Zelda_ , please no vines right now I have to get this chapter out cause it’s been like a week and a half since I updated this. 

Zelda: ugh fine. 

Me: Logan switch clothes with either Virgil or Roman. You choose. 

Logan:

Logan: I’m going to look ridiculous... Virgil. Romans clothes are too... _extravagant_. 

virgil: *grumbles* I don’t agree with this. *now wearing Logan’s clothes*

Logan: this hoodie is ok, I guess....

Patton: *squeals and hugs Logan* you. are. ADORABLE! *kisses him*

Logan: thanks...

Me: aww ok NEXT DARE! Roman give Remus your sword

Roman: NO

me: yes

Roman: NOT MY BEAUTIFULLY MANICURED SWORD!

me: sorry but it’s only for a day. 

Roman: 

Roman: ugh FINEEEE! I hate all of you except for Virgil and Patton. And maybe Zelda, she seems alright. 

Remus: *takes Sword* YAYYYY SHARP OBJECTS! *stabs Roman* 

Roman: *sighs* 

Remus: *pulls out sword*

Me: ok Virgil dye your hair red

Virgil: ok *snaps fingers* *now has red hair*

Me: kool Remy give one of the other sides all your coffee

Me: and please don’t die it’s just twelve hours. Also don’t kill them. Or me for that matter. 

Remy: *grumbles* fiiine. Emile. But only if you share the coffee with me. 

Emile: my pleasure ❤️

Me: Emile play your favorite song for everyone at a loud volume-

Emile: *instantly starts playing Other Friends from Steven Universe*

Me: 

Me: well ok. I would copy and paste the lyrics but I want to keep this chapter under a thousand words

Emile: ... it’s already at 1,270 words. 

Me: dang it welp Deceit share three weird things you’ve walked in on the other sides doing

Deceit: oh, definitely /not/ Virgil and Roman harmonizing while singing “Fixer Upper”. Also /not/ Remus shirtless, self-immolating to Shake it Off. And /not/ Patton and Logan fully making out. 

Patton and Logan: *both blush*

Me: ooook um Remus take all of Romans Hamilton stuff

Roman: NO WHY?

Remus: I don’t like Hamilton as much as Beetlejuice. You have any of that stuff? 

Virgil: *snorts* you’re literally Beetlejuice

Zelda and my intrusive thoughts: *sing together* You’re so smart, a stand-up bro, I’ll think about you’re offer, let you know! But I prefer my chances down below! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Being young and female doesn’t mean that I’m an easy mark! I’m swimming with piranhas, I don’t need a shark! Yes life sucks, but not that much. Ok Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Be a doll and spare the lecture!

Remus: *jammin* I’m offering you a full-time specter!

Zelda and my Intrusive thoughts: I’m-

Me: not now please. 

Remus: finnneeee. *disappears momentarily and reappears holding like five posters, four t shirts, a sweatshirt, a couple blankets, a water bottle, and a plushie*

Zelda: *blinks* is that a John Laurens plushie? I WANT ONE! 

Roman: yeah it’s awesome. 

Me: anyway Thomas give everyone a cookie, hug, and some coffee. 

Remy: YAAS B*TCH!

*after Thomas does so(I’m lazy I know)*

Me: *eats cookie* ok Remus [me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) sent you some lipstick and some perfume. 

Remus: aww thanks I love you(platonically) *eats lipstick and starts drinking perfume*

Me: OH GOD WHY? 

My intrusive thoughts: can I have some? 

Remus: sure! You want a Tide Pod? *yeets one at him* 

Intrusive thoughts: *eats it*

Me:

Me: WeLp ok Roman must watch Remus burn all his Disney movies. ALL OF IT. 

Roman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes breath* OOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Me: we get it Remus BURN IT! 

Remus: haHA! *flicks lighter* 

Roman: *sobbing as Disney movies burn*

*suddenly there is an explosion*

Me: OH GOD REMUS WHAT DID YOU DO?

Remus: *innocently* nothing! I just put a grenade in the pile of Disney movies so they would explode faster!

Me: *facepalms* 

Remus: was that explosion not big enough? I have more-

Virgil: *hugging Roman* my boyfriend is broken

Roman: *broken* *whispers* I have Disney plus

Remus: CURSES!

Me: outsmarted. Remy give [me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) a high five

Remy: ok *high fives [me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788)*

Me: ok Emile weirdest thing you’ve seen Remy do?

Emile: quote vines in his sleep

Me: *laughs* I do that.... kill me

Depression: *reappears* please do

Me: shut up not now. Virgil wear only a singlet and shorts. And keep your underwear on as well. 

Virgil: whyyyyyyyy

Me: *quoting the freezable fruit shapes vine* just because. 

Virgil:

Virgil: you watch wayy too many vines for your own good. 

Me: I know 

Virgil: *snaps fingers* *wearing tank top and black shorts*

Roman: *hugs Virgil and looks at his muscles* 

Virgil: *mutters* shut up I’m the top here

Me: well romans already doing his dare Logan look at this *shows him message [me](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788) sent*

Logan: ughhhhh WHY? *summons jar of Crofter’s and begins eating it*

Me: ok Remus when you forgave [me ](https://www.quotev.com/2846231788)they literally screeched

Remus: oooh cool *sings* That beautiful souuuuuuuuuund! 

Me: alright we’ve already got like four Beetlejuice references in this already no need to add another. Why?

Remus: *smirks* no reason. 

Me: ok you got me there. Patton no dad jokes for a day-o 

Roman: you literally just- oh my god. 

Remus: you did not-

Me: *finger guns* yes I did.

Deceit: *claps sarcastically*

Me: as I was saying, no dad jokes 

Patton: ):

Me: aww sorry *hugs him* ok Remus eat real food. Like not deodorant

Remus: *still eating tide pods* awwww

Me: here just eat this pizza *yeets a slice of pineapple pizza at him*

Remus: why does it have pineapple 

Roman: PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA IS UNHOLY

Remus: well so am I. *eats Pizza*

Me: I personally enjoy pineapple on pizza...

Roman: *turns around* THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU

Me: yes I know I’m going to hell. Deceit what’s your snake’s names?

Deceit: *summons all three of his snakes* I named them after philosophers. This one is Kant, this one is Plato, and this one is Aristotles. 

Me: odd but ok. Tops get to do whatever they want to the bottoms for a week. Before I put this in effect let’s just all say whether we’re top or bottom. Except my sides. I don’t know them well enough yet. 

Roman: I’m a bottom. Unfortunately. 

Virgil: .....top

Logan: *blushes horribly* top

Patton: *also blushes* bottom

Deceit: I’m the top. 

Remus: ughhhh unfortunately hes right. 

Remy: ...bottom. 

Emile: top

Me: deceit I’m forcing you to tell the truth for a week you are now unable to lie.

Deceit: sh*t this isn’t good- *slaps hand over mouth* I hate you 

Me: welp. Ok apparently now I have to make Intrulogical happen?

Deceit: HELL NO *hugs Remus* RAT BOI IS MINE

Me: ok if you want to see Intrulogical go check out this one shot: [Sanders Sides One Shots](https://www.quotev.com/story/12392137/Sanders-Sides-One-Shots/30)

Patton: whew thank god she didn’t make you guys kiss. 

Me: ooh good idea!

Everyone: NO

Me: just kidding. Virgil do something that makes you calm

Virgil: *cuddles into Roman*

Me: awww well the next dare is you two have to make out. 

Roman: *presses Virgil against the wall and they immediately start making out. Virgil wraps his legs around Roman’s torso and Roman runs his hand through Virgil’s hair. Virgil’s still-bare arms are running up and down Roman’s back and sides as he explores Roman’s mouth*

Me: ok well that’s all take it easy guys gals and non binary pals!

Zelda: AND PEGGY!

Remus: sHuT uP


	16. Chapter 16

**[Lakota Canis](https://www.quotev.com/LakotaCanis59353) says  
I have a couple truth/dares:  
-Roman—What is your favorite song from your top three favorite Broadway musicals (one favorite song per musical)?  
-Remy—In your opinion, who is the most annoying Side and why?**   
**-Patton—Tell everyone in the room what you like most about them (a physical feature or a mental/emotional/etc. feature).  
-Emile—Tell each of the Sides a motivational quote! (Sorry if I spelled your name wrong.)  
-Virgil—If you could become any mythical creature for a day, what would it be and why (and, if possible, become that mythical creature for the rest of the day unless it can’t fit in the house/Mindscape).  
-Deceit—Do you like Beetlejuice (movie and/or play)? If so, who’s your favorite character and why?  
-Logan—For 24 hours, every sentence you say has to include a Shakespearian word (like “thou” or “thy).  
-EVERYONE—Who is your favorite Harry Potter character and why? (This can include the “Cursed Child” and “Fantastic Beasts” if you want it to!)  
  
God, this is freaking longn**   
  


**[That one weirdo](https://www.quotev.com/WhyIsthisreal) Says**

**Here is mah dares if u want :)))))))))))))  
Patton : swear  
Remus and Roman : have brotherly bonding time together, away from the others  
Logan : say a falsehood   
AnD  
Deceit and Virgil : have time together, away from others   
Sorry if this is to soon :/**

  
**[JackSepticEye](https://www.quotev.com/AntiSepticEye1) says  
I dare Remus to kiss Roman! **

**I dare Deceit to kiss Virgil!  
Virgil, (Since he my favourite) You can eat as many Crofters as you can! ;)   
Also Roman, you have to watch Toy Story 4 with Deceit and Virgil! :)**

Me: guess who’s BACK! Sorry if I didn’t get your dares there were a lot of them... wow this book has somehow become popular. It’s the seventh most relevant thing when you search ‘Sanders Sides’ on Quotev. I mean HOW? Anyway Roman name your top three musicals and then your favorite song from each musical. 

Roman: ok. My three favorite musicals are Hamilton, Heathers, and Dear Evan Hansen. My favorite song from Hamilton is The Battle Of Yorktown-

Remus: A tAiLoR SpYiNg oN tHe bRiTiSh GoVeRnMeNt i TaKe ThE mEaSuRmEnTs, iNfOrMaTiOn AnD tHeN i SmUgGlE iT! TeLl mY bRoThErS ReVoLuTiOnArY CoMin’ iN i’M WiTh tHe SoNs Of LiBeRtY nOw AnD i Am LoViNg iT! SEe ThAt’S wHaT hApPeNs WhEn YoU uP aGaInSt ThE rUfFiAns, wE iN tHe sH*t nOw, SoMEbOdY’s gOtTa sHoVeL iT! HeRcUlEs MuLlIgAn I nEeD nO iNtRoDuCtIoN wHeN sOmEoNe kNocKs mE dOwN I GeT tHe F*CK BACK UP AGAIN!

Me:

Me: why

Roman: SHUT UP. In that case my favorite song is “Wait For It”-

Zelda(Creativity): *appears* LIFE DOESNT DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE SINNERS AND THE SAINTS IT TAKES AND IT TAKES AND IT TAKES AND WE KEEP LIVING ANYWAY WE RISE AND WE FALL AND WE-

Me: not now. 

Zelda: awww. :(

Me: later. 

Roman: welp my favorite song from Heathers is “My Dead Gay Son” because it’s the gayest one. And my favorite song from Dear Evan Hansen is “If I Could Tell Her”. 

Me: kool. Remy who’s the most annoying side and why?

Remy: it’s Remus. Thomas NEEDS me and if he’s there... yeah. *sips coffee* 

Me: yes I know I’m lazy NEXT THING Patton tell everyone what you like most about them!

Patton: yay! I like this dare! Logan, you’re adorable. *boops his nose*

Logan: *sighs and hugs Patton*

Patton: Roman, you are amazing, spectacular, and you always come up with good ideas for videos. 

Roman: *strikes princely pose* I know. But thanks. 

Patton: Virgil, you are a sweet and sour misunderstood shadowling who is vital to Thomas’s life.

Virgil: thanks, I guess...?

Patton: Emile, you are the best therapist I have ever met! 

Emile: awww, thank you!

Patton: Remy you are important to Thomas’s everyday life! Thomas needs sleep to function. 

Remy: *sips iced coffee loudly* you know it, babes. 

Patton: ....um..... Deceit, I guess lying is good in a few rare cases?

Deceit: *smirks* Society is a lie. Therefore I represent society. 

Virgil: *groans* not now. Please. 

Patton: and Remus. Um..... I guess if you didn’t exist, Roman wouldn’t either... so there’s that I guess?

Remus: Roman’s not gonna exist anyway! *raises Morningstar*

Roman: *stabs him unflinchingly*

Patton: oh so this happens daily now. Ok. 

Remus: *pulls out sword* There’s a SWORD in my butt!

Roman: no. 

Me: ew. Emile tell us a motivational quote!

Emile: JUST KEEP SWIMMING! 

Me: Dory. Good. Virgil if you could become any mythical creature for a day, what would it be and why?

Virgil: ...probably a merman. Because I could just lay on the bottom of the ocean and do nothing. 

Me: I would turn you into a merman but then you’d die so

Virgil: do it. Please. 

Roman: *hugs Virgil* nU my gay boyfriend must not become merman

Me: ok. Deceit, do you like Beetlejuice?

Deceit: kind of. 

Me: I’ll take that as a yes. Who’s your favorite character?

Deceit: *thinks for a moment* Lydia. Because she’s cunning. 

me: ok Logan for 24 hours every sentence you speak must have some sort of Shakespearean word in it, like “Thou” or “Thee”. 

Logan: I swear to the heavens if thou speaks once more I shall yeet thou across the room. 

Me: *backs away* see? You’re getting it already. What’s everyone’s favorite Harry Potter character?

Roman: well duh. Harry. 

Logan: Dumbledore. 

Patton: *squeals* Sirius! He can turn into a dog!

Virgil: Cedric Diggory. Because he dies. 

Everyone: Virgil nU

Roman: *hugs Virgil* nope. No dying today. Except for Remus. 

Remus: *screeches*

Roman: *yeets random pillow at him* SHUT UP

Me: my favorite character is Luna Lovegood. Honestly? She’s awesome. Although Snape comes in a close second.

Roman: W H A T? Snape killed Dumbledore!

Me: and Dumbledore told him to. Emile?

Emile: I like Lily Potter!

Remy: and I like Newt from Fantastic Beasts. He’s cool. 👌

Deceit: I like Snape as well. Lying to Voldemort and all the Death Eaters? That’s a pretty strong “me” vibe. 

Remus: I like Umbridge!

Roman: hell no! She’s a monster! She was the wizard equivalent of racist!

Remus: ok... how about Bellatrix!

Roman: she had a child with Voldemort. Not much better. 

Remus: *Screeches* TINY BABY CORPSE!

Me: *facepalms* ok next. Patton you have to swear. 

Patton: nU

Me: you did it in the bloopers video!

Patton: nU that was Thomas dressed up as me! He just broke character!

Me: swear. 

Patton: swearing is bad, kiddo!

Me: then why do you let Thomas do it?

Patton: 

Patton: fine. 

Patton: f- F-

Patton: f-f- 

Patton: FOR OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST AMEN

Me:

Everyone: 

Patton: *broken*

Me: well looks like it’s physically impossible for Patton to swear. Next! Remus and Roman must have BROTHERLY BONDING TIME TOGETHER!

Roman: HELL NO. HELL TO THE NO 

Me: its a dare you have to. 

Remus:......you do realize we’re gonna kill each other, right? Multiple times?

Me: It’s only for an hour. But if you keep protesting I’m gonna lock you up in a room together for a whole DAY. 

Remus: I’m gonna have to resort to CANIBALLISM!

Me: nope. Logan say a falsehood. 

Logan: a falsehood. 

Me: say something untrue. 

Logan: Patton isn’t cute. *boops him*

Patton: *blushes* 

Me: awww. Deceit and Virgil have some bonding time!

Virgil: nope. 

Virgil; not happening. 

Deceit: nope. 

Me: yep. No point in arguing. 

Virgil: you do realize we’re gonna kill each other right?

Me: deal with it. 

Virgil: UGHHHHHHHHHH

Me: Remus kiss roman

Remus: *kisses Roman on cheek* *tries to lick cheek*

Roman: UGH! NO! EW!

Virgil: GET THE F*CK AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND

Remus: *shrugs* I don’t care. I licked David Abbot. 

Remus: *kisses Deceit’s cheek and points to him* he tastes better. 

Virgil: gross. 

Roman: *wipes cheek vigorously*

Me: ok Deceit kiss Virgil

Deceit: I don’t really want to do that either

Virgil: HELL NO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU F*CKING SNEK

Deceit: *sighs*

Deceit: *turns into Roman and pecks Virgil on the cheek*

Deceit: *wipes mouth* ew. 

Virgil: you snek. Don’t like you. *hisses*

Roman: *kisses Virgil without warning*

Remus: *kisses Deceit*

Deceit: *wraps arm around Remus and kisses back*

Me: ok Virgil you can eat as much Crofter’s as you want 

Virgil: sweet. *summons jar of Crofter’s and begins to spoon it into mouth* 

Me: Roman, Deceit, and Virgil have to watch Toy Story Four. I actually haven’t watched any of the Toy Story movies so...... sorry if this is bad. Anyway cut to it!

*time skip to after watching movie*

Virgil: definitely not as good as Toy Story 3. 

Deceit: I actually agree. 

Roman: *still crying*  
  


*time skip to after Virgil and Deceit were locked in room together*

  
Me: *opens door to see Deceit sitting on the couch and sleeping, Virgil’s head resting on his shoulder*

Me: *takes picture* *thinks* maybe they don’t hate each other as much as we all thought...

*time skip to after Roman and Remus we’re locked in room together*

Me: *opens door to find that Roman has stabbed Remus again and Remus running around screaming curse words*

Roman: *looks at me* thank god that was a nightmare. 

Remus: POOPY F*CK SH*T

Me: *gives Roman his sword back*

Roman: *runs away*

Deceit: *drags Remus away*

Zelda: wow we were barely included in this chapter

my Dark Creativity: rude. 

My Depression: why on earth are you all so fat

Ego: SHUT UP I AM A GOD

Zelda: shut up heather!

Dark creativity: sorry heather... 

Zelda: look who’s with her! Oh my god. 

Creativitwins: Dang dang diggity dang dang DANG DANG DIGGITY DANG DANG-

Logan: Crofter’s.


	17. Chapter 17

[Viv Da Slytherin](https://www.quotev.com/CalifornianIdiot4576) asked me to make the sides act like their favorite characters from Voltron

... i don't know that lol. so I asked them if I could make them(and myself) act like their favorite characters from musicals

and they said sure. so yay.

also this from Moonrippledawarriorcat

k im not goin easy on u but you can divy up the week however you want (wednsday is nutreal tho)  
Logan- no crofters for 3 days, and you must put crofters on *everything* you eat for 3 days. again, divie as you please  
also Patton and Virgil are not allowed to cook or influence meal choice for those 3 days, they will go too easy on you and you know it  
Remy: you are freed from past dares to make way for this one  
No starbuks or coffee for 3 days and only starbuks coffee and foods for 3 days.  
Again, divvy up as you please

From [The Book Dragonwitch](https://www.quotev.com/emilyralli15)

Okay, so I have an idea...  
I dare each of the sides to read a fanfiction about themselves where they're not paired with the sides they have now (ex: Logan reading an Analogical fanfiction). Then they must share their honest (I'm looking at you Dee ;p) opinion on it. If you can't find a fanfiction for one of them, then that side must tell a secret that they haven't told anyone before. Sound good?

From [Darlencia Sanders](https://www.quotev.com/Darlencia)

Ok here are some dares:  
Remy: Sing Neon Lights by Demi Lovato to Emile  
Remus: Actually stick your dick in rotisserie chicken   
Roman: Do a cartwheel in a rainbow dress  
Emile: Full ass make out with Remy for three minutes straight (aha)  
Virgil: hug Patton and kiss him on the cheek  
Logan: RUN AROUND AND SCREAM: IM A FUCKING SEAGULL BITCH  
Patton: Eat a crayon (sorry if this sucks you are one of my favs)   
Deceit: Dress up like Cole from Ninjago while singing prince Ali  
Thomas: Do you know how adorable you are? I LUV U  
Author: Eat all of Remus’ deodorant!  
Also tell the sides that Virgil, Roman, Remy, Emile and Deceit, Patton are my favs! Oh shit sorry Remus! Sorry Logan! And one last question for Remile   
Remile: YOU GUYS ARE THE CUTEST THING EVER! What was you guy’s first date?  
Ok Bye!

from[ Prinxiety's Kid ](https://www.quotev.com/MemoryAnxiety18)

I dare... you to have all the cookies you want.  
Roman I dare you to jump up and yell I'm bottom  
Deceit and Remus cuddle  
Deceit take your hat off  
Logan eat as many Crofters as you want  
Remy and Emile watch Harry Potter  
Thank you for your time 💜

  
  


Me: Hi people!

Roman: My god its been awhile

Me: eh whatever I have two weeks off of school anyway. Everyone write down their favorite character from any musical you want! *pulls piece of paper out of nowhere*

Virgil: weird but ok. 

Logan: why?

Me: *quoting freezable fruit shapes vine* just because. 

Remus: *writes Beetlejuice really big in green* done and done let me pull the table out of my ass. 

Zelda: oh so we’re quoting vines now? *summons ukelele* (to the tune of Feliz Navidad)Daveed’s not your dad

Me: how do you- I can’t even play ukulele- never mind. 

My Deceit: hey guys do you like this new dress my mom got me SOYKE IT’S A JUMPSUIT YOU WERE FOOLED HAHAHAHAH

Intrusive Thoughts: *turns to Impulse* he/him today right?

Impulse: yep. 

Intrusive thoughts: got it. Say kid backwards

Impulse: ummmm... dik?

Intrusive thoughts: HAHA. HAHA. THAT’S GAY. 

Me: well yeah... I’m Bisexual. 

Remus: HAHAHA DIK HAHA HAHA 

Deceit: *facepalm* you guys have officially made me lose my marbles. 

My Anxiety: HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT’s gOoD fOr mE?

My Ego: THAT’S MY OPINION!!!

Everyone: *stare*

Zelda: ...well, f*ck me gently with a chainsaw. 

Roman: Heathers reference. Noice. 

Me: anyway. Now we all have to cosplay as our favorite characters from the musicals and say one of their lines in character!

Virgil and Deceit simultaneously : WAIT SH*T NO-

Remus: *fist pump*Y E S

Me: so? *dresses up like Thomas Jefferson* my god I love men’s pants. I CAN FIT MY WHOLE PHONE IN THE POCKET! 

Zelda: AHHHHH!

Me: anyway, “I’ll give him this. His financial system was a work on genius. I couldn’t undo it if I tried. And... I’ve tried.” Ok, Zelda! 

Zelda: *poses dramatically* *turns into roman*

Me: ...what?

Zelda: I’m Roman. From Crofter’s the Musical. 

Me: 

Me: I guess I did say any musical didn’t I...

Zelda: yep! And "I'm fraught with jealousy I can't believe you're telling me that he's the favorite side. even I.... I don't have the vigor to bear the loss of pride that I'm feeling inside, but for me it's very unordinary."

Roman: wow you look good. Not as good as me though. 

Depression: yeah I know she’s ugly let’s move on. 

Me: *sigh* I’m trying NOT to have depressing thoughts while I'm on a two week vacation?

Depression: *smirks* and you're failing.

Me: ugh ok Morality?

My Morality: *Turns into Martha Dunstock* I rented the Princess Bride!

Me: aww cute. Logic?

My Logic: *turns into Eliza Schuyler* She's the only sane one. And I'm not much of a singer, so I will just recite some of the lyrics from _Burn_. I'm burning the letters you wrote for me. That's enough of that.

Me: Anxiety?

Anxiety: *groans* I hate you all. *Turns into Miss Argentina(Beetlejuice)* Everyone here is alone.

Me: Damn you look good.

My Deceit: *Turns into Aaron Burr, starts singing _Wait for It_ * Theodosia writes me a letter every day.

Me: oh my god I LOVE THAT SONG SO SO FRICKING MUCH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My Deceit: Smirk.

Impulse: *Turns into the Squip from Be More Chill* jEreMY-

Dark Creativity: *Shoves him out of way, dressed as Moriah Reynolds.* i KnOw yOu ArE a mAn oF hOnOr aNd I'm sO SoRrY fOr bOtHeRiNg yOu aT hOmE

Ego: *dressed as Heather Chandler* SHUT UP HEATHER!

Depression: *sighs* and I'm just... Micheal in the bathroom, Micheal in the bathroom at a party. *dressed as micheal, holding mountain dew red*

Impulse: *screeches* gET THAT DEVIL'S CONCOCTION AWAY FROM ME

me: *tears up* sERIOUSLY EVERY TIME? Virgil?

Virgil: nU

Me: *looks at paper* *smile widens* You have to be Lydia from Beetlejuice!

Virgil: n-

Me: *snaps fingers*

Virgil: *wearing a laced black top, black lipstick, a choker, and heels* i hate everything about this. Dead mom.

Roman: *kisses him* you. are. ADORABLE!!! *snaps fingers, wearing black trench coat and holding slushie* and I'm JD! fREEZE YOUR BRAINNNNNNNNNN-

Virgil: shut up. I'm the most emo here.

Patton: *dressed as Heather McNamara* God has cursed me I think.

Logan: *dressed as Jeremy* and there are voices in my head. ok, done.

Remus: *dressed as Beetlejuice* LET'S ALL GET NAKED!

Virgil: no.

Remus: *shrugs* eh, worth a try.

Me: oooooh Deceit.....*looks at paper* Veronica Sawyer?

Deceit: Shut up.

Me: I won't. *snaps fingers*

Deceit: *dressed in purple blouse and white legging thingies* oh, I love this. hahahahahahahahahahahaha*insert classic Veronica Sawyer cackle*

Deceit

Deceit: OH MY GOD!

Deceit: there. done. I _love_ this.

Me: Glad to hear it. Logan must have no Crofter's for three days, then put it on _everything_ he eats for the next three days.

Logan: I don't like this.

Me: Deal with it. Patton and Virgil are not allowed to cook or influence meal choices for a day, and Remy, no starbucks for three days and then only starbucks food and drink for three days.

Remy: UGHHHHHHH I NEED COFFEEEEEEEE

Emile: *hugs him wordlessly*

Virgil: I didn't cook much anyway. whatever.

Me: and Remy you have to sing Neon Lights to Emile.

Remy: ok sure.

_Baby when they look up at the sky  
We'll be shooting stars just passing by  
You'll be coming home with me tonight  
We'll be burning up like neon lights_

_Be still my heart 'cause it's freaking out, it's freaking out, right now  
Shining like stars 'cause we're beautiful, we're beautiful, right now  
You're all I see in all these places  
You're all I see in all these faces  
So let's pretend we're running out of time, of time_

_Baby when they look up at the sky  
We'll be shooting stars just passing by  
You'll be coming home with me tonight  
And we'll be burning up like neon lights_

_Baby when they look up at the sky  
We'll be shooting stars just passing by  
You'll be coming home with me tonight  
And we'll be burning up like neon lights_

_Neon lights  
Neon lights  
Neon lights  
Like neon lights  
Like neon lights_

_Be still my heart 'cause it's freaking out, it's freaking out, right now  
Shining like stars 'cause we're beautiful, we're beautiful, right now  
You're all I see in all these places  
You're all I see in all these faces  
So let's pretend we're running out of time, of time_

_Baby when they look up at the sky  
We'll be shooting stars just passing by  
You'll be coming home with me tonight  
And we'll be burning up like neon lights_

_Baby when they look up at the sky  
We'll be shooting stars just passing by  
You'll be coming home with me tonight  
And we'll be burning up like neon lights_

_Neon lights  
Neon lights  
Neon lights  
Like neon lights  
Like neon lights_

_Shining like stars 'cause we're beautiful, beautiful  
You're all I see in all these places  
You're all I see in all these faces  
So let's pretend we're running out of time, of time_

_Like neon lights  
Like neon lights_

_Be still my heart 'cause it's freaking out_

Emile: *claps*

Me: aww Remus... wait no-

Intrusive Thoughts: *grabs phone* *squeals* you have to actually stick your d*ck in rotisserie chicken!

Remus: With pleasure!

Me: Wait what no-

***CENSORED***

Me: ...well I'm scarred for life.

Zelda: *grabs phone* I'll take over the dares. Roman, do a cartwheel in a rainbow dress!

Roman: Weird but ok! *snaps fingers and is wearing a rainbow dress with black tights* *does really bad cartwheel*

Zelda: Cool. Emile must, and I quote, "Full ass make out with Remy for three minutes straight." ahahaha

Emile: *blinks* I can do it gay.

Zelda: Good enough.

Emile: *grabs Remy and forcefully kisses them*

Remy and emile: *making out*

Zelda: While that's happening, Virgil, hug Patton and kiss him on the cheek.

Virgil: *blinks* honestly? I'm glad it's not Deceit. *hugs Patton and places small kiss on cheek*

Roman: *kisses him*

Virgil: You got jealous from that?

Roman: *hugs him* you're mine.

Logan: *kisses Patton on cheek* there you go love.

Patton: *blushes*

Logan: *looks at dare.* *starts walking around in circles* I'm a f*cking seagull b*tch. There. done.

Zelda: Eh I'm lazy so good enough. Patton, eat a crayon.

Patton: aww. why can't it be Play-Doh?

Logan: That is not nutritious in any way. I will not let you eat such foolish material. Here. I summoned this edible crayon with the power of plot convenience. You can eat this.

Patton: *nom*

Zelda: Deceit, dress up like Cole from Ninjago and sing, "Prince Ali"

Deceit: Well at least I _have_ to wear this anymore. *changes into Cole's outfit*

***I'm not gonna put all the lyrics here this is already a long ass chapter***

Deceit: I'm done.

Zelda: *Fangirl squeal* sorry. Thomas, [Darlencia Sanders](http://www.quotev.com/Darlencia) wonders if you know how cute you are and that they love you

Thomas: Awwww! Thank you so much, Darlencia!

Zelda: Here. *gives me stick of deodorant* eat this. and the rest of it.

Me: NO THEY TASTE LIKE SH*T!

Morality: LANGUAGE!

Thomas: *points at me* They speak the truth. It does indeed taste like sh*t.

Zelda: Eat. It.

Me: *takes bite* This is disgusting.

Zelda: Remile! What was your first date!

Emile: *Blushes* Remy took me out for coffee and then we walked around the mall.

Me: Awwww....

Zelda: You can eat all the cookies you want as well. *hands me cookies*

Me: *sad nom*

Zelda: This is fun! Roman, you have to jump up and yell, "I'm bottom".

Roman: WHAT? NO!

Virgil: It's true, Princey.

Roman: sHhhHH

Zelda: Roman. Now.

Me: I have author powers. I can make you do it.

Roman: FINE! *jumps up* I'M A BOTTOM! Happy now?

Zelda: Very. Deceit and Remus must cuddle, and Deceit has to take his hat off.

Deceit: Ugh. *takes off hat*

Remus: *tackles him and nuzzles into his chest*

Deceit: *wraps two pairs of arms around Remus*

Me: *Fangirl squeal*

Zelda: Ok, Logan, for today you can eat as many Crofter's as you want.

Logan: THANK YOU. *points to Zelda* see? someone here is kind. *proceeds to eat Crofter's*

Zelda: Remy and Emile must watch Harry Potter.

Remy: I've already watched it...

Emile: I've read the books.

Zelda: Too bad. you're watching it. Now. All the sides have to read fanfiction from a ship that they are not in. so... Probably Roceit, Intrulogical, and LAMP(becuase I don't ship Patton with anyone other than Logan), as well as maybe Remceit and maybe Emile x Logan? Ima just go find these real quick.

Roceit: [www.wattpad.com/759903635-sanders-sides-one-shots-quality-time-roceit](https://www.wattpad.com/759903635-sanders-sides-one-shots-quality-time-roceit)

Roman: That's cute. I don't ship it, but it's cute.

Deceit: eh. I mean, I guess it's kinda cute, But honestly, I prefer your brother.

Intrulogical: [www.wattpad.com/759010358-sanders-sides-one-shots-secret-love-intrulogical](https://www.wattpad.com/759010358-sanders-sides-one-shots-secret-love-intrulogical)

Logan: *blinks* I don't think I would marry you...

Remus: oooooOOOOOOooH! can we talk about all the times we fu-

Logan: Nope. There is innocent child here. *hugs patton*

LAMP: [www.wattpad.com/516863020-sanders-sides-one-shots-shorts-resolutions-lamp/page/2](https://www.wattpad.com/516863020-sanders-sides-one-shots-shorts-resolutions-lamp/page/2)

Patton: awwwwww that's cute

Virgil: Never gonna happen. But still cute.

Remceit: [www.wattpad.com/712071693-desleep-one-shots-blushing](https://www.wattpad.com/712071693-desleep-one-shots-blushing)

Remy: eh. could be gayer.

Emile x Logan: [www.wattpad.com/568565225-sander-sides-one-shots-dr-emile-picani-logan-late](https://www.wattpad.com/568565225-sander-sides-one-shots-dr-emile-picani-logan-late)

Emile: awww! adorable.

Me: Well im to lazy to edit this bye

*BONUS*

Emile: *Watching Harry Potter* these are nowhere near as good as the books.

Remy: *not paying attention at all, staring at Emile* mhm.


End file.
